Freedom, money in marriage

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18)

“....husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:28)

For years I have been admiring the freedom this friend of mine enjoys even after marriage. Now I realised how foolish I am after she recently confided to me her plight. When she and her husband were about to marry, she proposed that they had a joint bank account for the family. However he was against the idea, instead insisted that each to take care of certain common expenses. Now after more than 20 years of marriage and as one grows older, she started to get worry whether her husband saved for rainy days for the family or at least for himself as he refused to be drawn into discussion on this matter.

Some thoughts come to my mind:-

I think couples ought to maintain a joint bank account where both contributing funds towards it on a regular basis. It reflects the commitment from both parties to ensure the financial soundness and stability of the family. It is a fact that many couples quarrel over money matters. It will be better to sort them out before the marriage vow. Lack of trust towards each other is not a good sign for a marriage.

Retain very much the same extent of freedom even after marriage may be a bad sign that each partner continues to carry on his/her own activities without involving each other, which may eventually lead to marriage partners drifting apart and weaken the marital relationship.

A Rare Singaporean

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

“Now the body is not made up of one part but of many....those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honourable we treat with special honour. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty. ( I Corinthians 13: 14,22-23)

It is always thought provoking to read Miss Lee Wei Ling’s articles. In her column on 24th October 2010, she pays special tributes to our country’s “unsung heroes” who helped to made what the country is today. This reminds me of my own “unsung heroes”, my eldest and second sisters, and my mum who went through severe poverty and hardships especially during the Japanese occupation where they had to hide in a remote place, and been harassed by the communist insurgents looking for food at night.

In our society, we tend to give recognition to those whose works are more glamorous and evident outwardly. Even among Christians, we know who Billy Graham is (who appeared in numerous Christian evangelical crusades) but few even heard about this man, Rev Bob Pierce who founded the well-known World Vision.

On 21st November 2010’s Sunday Times’ Editorial entitled ‘A rare Singaporean’ in which it pays tribute to a Christian couple, Dr Tan Lai Yong, and his wife (formerly an accountancy lecturer with NTU) for their 14-year work in Yunnan. Indeed, their sacrifices are grossly uncommon in our society where rush for material success is a norm. In fact there is a new brand of world class consumerism going on here where people are willing to spend $500 on a gourmet meal without blinking one’s eyes and children started to receive luxury items from their parents.

What drives people like Dr Tan and his wife, or Rev Bob Pierce, or Mother Teresa to their unglamorous charitable works and forego material things? To me, it is only with the divine power that one is driven to carry out these humanly ‘unthinkable’ tasks and find ultimate fulfilments beyond what this earth can gives.

Links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS0GNXLyC5U

http://sg.christianpost.com/dbase/missions/1753//1.htm

http://www.impact.com.sg/v2/AA/29_6.php

Bold prayers

Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, saying.”Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your Hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request. ( I Chronicles 4:10)

My close friend, Fiona, wrote a very thoughtful comment on my recent posting `Routine cancer marker blood test’. On reflection, I shouldn’t be saying ‘thank God for granting me another 3 months to live’ which sounds like God’s grace is finite. What I really mean is that by His mercy, I should be still living till I go again for blood test after Chinese New Year.

It is true that I have been much disciplined on my diets (probably due to my upbringing) and my spiritual health has also improved. However, I am still weak on emotional and psychological aspects which are not so easy to overcome as they have to do with one’s temperament. Many a times I cannot detach myself from situations and people around me, and I become too emotional and ‘teary’. I am also a person who can become panic or fearful easily. Hence, I really need God to give me divine strength in these areas.

May be I have to be more 'daring' in asking for God’s blessings. This reminds me of the above prayer by Jabez who openly asked God to bless him. Everybody struggles each day with choosing to rely on himself or God. Life is a growing process and we cannot run away from making these choices. Pray bold prayers to God are what I need now.

What gender is 'computer'

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike in English,
Nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.''Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female,and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your pay-check on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won...!

(This humorous article is contributed by Fiona, a close friend)

Routine cancer marker blood test

“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again.” (Psalm 71:20)

This morning was my appointment to see my oncologist for my cancer markers and mammogram reports. Thank God for granting me another 3 months to live.

My CA 125 is 12.9 (versus 16.6 , 4/8/10) and CA 19-9 is 12.6 (versus 10.0. 4/8/10). Nowadays I have also experiencing less recurrence of post-menopause symptoms since almost a month ago after I practised qigong and Tai-chi, which I do in the morning and evening. To get the best out of them, one has to be relaxed and not in a hurry while doing them. Hence, they are very good for de-stressing and improving the blood circulation.

Blood Test

“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)

This afternoon I went for my routine 3-monthly cancer marker blood test. I will know the result when I see my doctor next Tuesday. The last test done had shown the level had elevated though it was still within the acceptable range.

Almost one and half years has gone passed since my last chemo treatment. The fear of chemo treatments is still there whenever I stepped into the cancer centre. My concern over relapse is there but after having gone through the school of pains and sufferings, I am now more ready to face troubles in life with calmness and right perspective. Let’s live one day at a time and not to kill the joy of today by worrying about tomorrow.

Meditation

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.” (Psalm 62:5)

Last Monday my husband and I went for a Christian meditation support group for the first time. It is a very small group at a church and it lasted for about 20 minutes.

We are taught how to recite the mantra in our minds repeatedly with an upright sitting position, hands resting on our laps. On the surface, this looks very simple but the difficult part is to concentration. For the first 5 minutes it was quite easy but thereafter I found my mind drifting away and 20 minutes seemed to be an hour for me. Such is the behaviour of human being. One can watch a Taiwanese TV drama for 3 hours without problem. We want our daily living routines to fill up to the maximum with lots of activities even for weekends so much so that it becomes not normal for a person to rest and do nothing even for a short while.

After this meditation session, we learned how to slow down the pace of our daily lives and to be more relaxed. When we practise solitude by temporary withdrawal from people, noise and work, we will get in touch with our inner self, refocus our life, recharge our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual batteries. If we do not know how to detach ourselves from our inner compulsions and the world’s dazzling sights, sounds and mesmerizing voices, we will be caught up in the rat race and constantly compelled by our inner compulsions to win, to achieve, to prove ourselves, and to impress. The practice of solitude can also help us to refocus on what ultimately matters in life.