Humorous Pieces

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."

About half the class rose and came forward.

"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."

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A doctor while writing out a prescription,asked the woman to put out her tongue. When he had finished, she said to him, "But doctor, you never even looked at my tongue."

The doctor replied, "It wasn't necessary, I just wanted you to keep quiet while I wrote the prescription."

China brands' products

‘The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?’ (Jeremiah 17:9)


Recently a close friend sent me an e-mail with a news report that tonnes of herbal chrysanthemums contaminated by a banned toxic chemical have entered the market. The herbal flower is believed to have been dried with sulfur dioxide, a banned preservative that can cause sickness. Farmers using sulfur-drying methods can make more profit as they saved on electricity and coal. Sulfur-dried chrysanthemums sold well because it is difficult to detect. It is no wonder to me that from the survey forms which I helped to collate recently for a school project about Singaporeans’ opinion on Chinese brands, large number of respondents has reservation about the Chinese brands, especially food products. Many still remember milk was laced with melamine which affected over 300,000 children there with some deaths.

There are numerous scandals in recent years on China brands’ products such as contaminated pet food, counterfeit toothpaste, defective tires, and toxic toys. These opportunistic and aggressive entrepreneurs will resort to all kinds of ‘creative’ ways to maximize their profits, not just confining themselves to excessive use of additives and preservatives. They take advantage of the country's chronically weak enforcement of regulations, doing things like blend fake ingredients into the products; sign contracts agreeing to sell one thing only later switch the raw materials for something cheaper; and to doctor, adulterate or even colour foods to make them look fresher or more appetizing. Even in terms of accounting, many investors got their fingers burnt when the share prices of those Chinese companies found or rumoured to engage in accounting irregularities plunged. A well-known large US hedge fund recently sold its entire stake in a Chinese tree-plantation company for a loss of S$720 million, when the latter was accused of overstating its timber holdings.

As I ponder over the 90th years of communist rule in China, I can’t help but believe that the ideology of communism has not fundamentally change the sinful nature of those under such system of government. Without the power of divinity, it is ‘natural’ for the heart of a person to exhibit deceit, greed, evil desires etc, whenever he has the opportunity to exert his true ‘self’ which was formerly ‘artificially’ suppressed through human means.

Clean jokes

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

{Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."}

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There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.

The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us."

The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left. A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.

The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.

An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.

Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save him." So the boat left him again.

Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "You dummy! I tried. I sent three boats after you!!"

(Source: Clean-jokes)

'Cancer cure' remedies

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.’ (Proverbs 16:9)

As a cancer patient, I always receive e-mails from concerned friends and relatives on ‘ideas’ how to fight cancer. These so-called ‘advices’ come almost entirely from the internet source. Instead of finding them helpful, at times it can be a stress to me as these ‘remedies’ tend to be contradicting and confusing.

It is very common for some of them making exaggerated claims, alongside with many ‘testimonials’ to substantiate them. Having sieved through such information for the past two years or so, I have become ‘wiser’ not to take things at face value. Nowadays anyone can put up a website promoting such ‘cancer-cure’ remedies. When they are just too ‘good’ to be true, that is when one’s discernment comes in.

I can understand why most cancer patients are hungry for such information as they want to be cured, even at a huge cost. They would probably try anything, hopefully it works on them. Sometimes we become so easy to believe that we are vulnerable to be manipulated. From the psychology of a cancer patient, his fear of unknown can easily re-enacted in his mind by what he saw, read or heard. Last week, I went for my annual flu jab at a neighbourhood clinic. I was reminded of the gravity of my illness when the doctor (a locum) reiterated to me that ovary cancer is a very vicious one, and the probability of relapse is extremely high. My heart turned heavier by his discouraging words, though they are true in every medical sense.

To me, there is a limit as to how much a cancer patient can do to his condition. He must be mindful that he is not fighting an illness, but a cell mutation disorder. In this aspect, preventing cancer is easier than fighting it. May be striving to live like a normal person, relax, and enjoy eating anything healthy under the sun, is a better remedy. The rest is in God's hand.

A carrot, an egg or a cup of coffee?

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water.

Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after an illness, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be COFFEE

(from thoughts-about-God)

A year on

‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.’ (James 1:1-3)

It has been a year since I started this blog on 12th July 2011 (with 112 postings so far) with the help of my close friend, Mui Huang. Along the way, I received tremendous encouragements from friends and relatives either privately or through blog comments. To all of you, a big ‘thank–you’ from the bottom of my heart. You have truly inspired and motivated me to continue blogging. This blog not only makes it possible to share my medical experiences, but also my thoughts on other issues of interest. It is my sincere hope that through it, others may also be blessed in return.

I am also in debt to God for sustaining me with strength and stable health which enabled me to write. It is not easy to think of something to write regularly. I also faced difficulty in organising and expressing my thoughts in writing, making worse by my poor command of English. So I am surprised that through sheer determination, I have been able to post every week.

A number of significant things have happened in my life for the past one year. For one thing, I do not dwell so much about my health condition as before and the grip of fear has subsided to a great extent. I find myself living a more meaningful and fruitful life. My involvement in a prison ministry from home last August is a milestone in my life, so is my joining of a church cell group last month. I am now more forthcoming about my illness and in fact, recently through a friend, I am able to share my medical experiences with her friend who has just begun her chemo treatment. I am glad that I have grown into a stronger and more thankful person.

Never Make a Woman Angry!

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates and saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her,

"Hello. How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,
"This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.
"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.
"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis", she replied.

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry . . . there will be Hell to pay!

NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the supposed lung-disease pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).

Now you've learned a new word.

(shared by Fiona)

Cell phone radiation

‘Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.’ (Proverbs 27:1)


Recently the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) classified cell-phone radiation exposure as “possibly carcinogenic to humans.” The panel put cell phones in category 2B on the agency’s scale, just below sure carcinogens such as cigarette smoke but in the same category as the pesticide and gasoline-engine exhaust.

Radiation is considered potentially carcinogenic when it is powerful enough to ionize atoms or molecules and cause genetic damage (DNA code breakdown and free radical formation) that can lead to cancer. However, some scientists think that cell phone radiation is non-ionizing and thus considered too weak to cause such damage. So far most studies are sponsored by the telco industry players, so few think that the results are independent and unbiased. Nevertheless, the essential enigma of cancer may never been resolved.

Time magazine suggests that we can adopt the following habits when using the cell phone:

• Using a wired headset can significantly cut down any exposure to radiation, better than Bluetooth devices.
• Used texting messages.
• Don’t use cell phone as an alarm clock- with hours phone is close by our heads while we sleep.
• Cell phone emits significantly more radiation when the signal is weak e.g. rural areas, inside elevators, buildings.
• Use radiation-blocking case will block much of a phone’s radiation.

How to get my teenager listens and behaves

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21)

‘How to get my teenager listens to me and behaves?’ I think all parents in this world would want to find an answer to this. Teenagers seem to have a mind of their own which is actually not a bad thing. They need to step out of the shadows of their parents and form their own identity. If they do not have opinion of their own and never object to anything we say, then we would have something to worry about.

Parents are often conditioned to this paradigm: we expect our teenagers to behave (change their ‘objectionable behaviours’), believe us (accept what we teach without question), then they belong (accepted by us), in that order. That concept doesn’t seem to work in this present time. I learnt from someone who is an effective youth leader that we should instead make our teenagers: belong (accepting them as who they are), and the rest will follow (they will believe us and behave). May be we need to change the way we relate to them.

Isn’t true that we are far too busy clothing and feeding our children, keeping them safe that we spend too little time to really listening to them? This is especially so for parents who come from a poor family background. They just wanted to ensure that their children never suffered the same deprivation they had suffered, without realising that material deprivation is not the same as emotional deprivation.

I must admit that I hear, but not listening to what my children have to say most of the time. Also, my habit of jump in with judgement, giving solution (which is more like an order than an advice) put off my children. We need to acknowledge our children’s feelings so that they feel a strong sense of belonging to the family. If we want to know what is going on in our children's lives and to continue to pass on our values, we have to keep the communication channels open by listening, which seem lacking especially among parents who are busy.