Perfect Gift

'Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift.'(2 Corinthians 9:15)

 

Today unfortunately Christmas has become the most commercialised festive celebration. Reading some of the inspiring Christmas stories has now become one of the ways for me to recapture the true meaning of Christmas. Here is one such story:

 

The writer wrote ‘during the summer of 1944, my father sold everything they owned, took all the money and disappeared from our lives.’ His mother suddenly found herself having to take care and provide for the five boys.

 

He is thankful to his mother for remained positive throughout this difficult time, put in her best efforts she could, doing all the man tasks such as ‘horse-drawn plough, haul hay for the cattle, and harvest crops.’ Then Christmas approaching and the writer noticed his mother didn’t smile as much as before. Later he came to know that it was because she was worried that she couldn’t afford to buy Christmas presents for the children.

 

One day he saw his mother returned from the forest with a stack of tree limbs. She would cut these pieces of wood into different shapes. On Christmas Eve when the family gathered around the Christmas tree, his mother gave out the presents. His brothers opened the packages and found ‘brightly coloured trucks, tractors and trains’, all ‘beautifully crafted’. As for the writer, his present was a hand-carved bow and a quiver of arrows.

 

The writer concluded that, ‘Looking back, my mother’s determination and perseverance changed the harsh reality of that time, transforming our poverty into a memorable Christmas filled with delight’.

 

This story really warmed my heart. Truly, Christmas is about giving oneself, making sacrifices, just like Christ.

Grace

“If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.” (Nelson Mandela)

“Gone is the distinction between Jew and Greek, slave and free man, male and female—you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:2)

 

The world has recently lost a great man whose moral and political leadership enabled his country to enjoy peaceful transition from apartheid to one that pursues forgiveness and reconciliations. Many were in fact fearful when he came to power as in his early years he had a rebellious streak, and was branded as terrorist. Nelson Mandela shown otherwise by exemplified such values himself, which in turn sowed these seeds amongst his people.

 

I read that during one of the ‘Truth and Reconciliation Commission’ hearings after Mandela became its president, a policeman gave an account how he and his colleagues shot a teenage boy and burned the body to destroy the evidence. Years later he returned to the same house and bound the boy’s father and burned him before his wife. The judge asked what the woman wanted from this policeman. She answered, “He took all my family away from me, and I still have a lot of love to give. Twice a month, I would like him to come and spend a day with me so I can be a mother to Him. And I would like him to know that he is forgiven by God, and that I forgive him too. I would like to embrace him so he can know my forgiveness is real.” The policeman was so overwhelmed that he fainted there and then.

 

Such is the amazing grace that transcends any human understanding. Grace is God's unmerited favour, kindness from God we don't deserve. We are merely used by Him to dispense His grace.

Body, Soul & Spirit

‘But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.’ (1 Corinthians 2:14)

‘Take away from me the noise of your songs; to the melody of your harps I will not listen. But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.’ (Amos 5:23-24)

 

Recently we had a small gathering amongst ex-high school mates. One of them suddenly asked a tough question- why many English great authors like Jane Austen and Charles Dickens ‘attacked’ Christianity in their books? A close friend came to our rescue, explained that religion was a popular theme as it played a very significant part in the people’s lives then.

 

I think ‘attack’ is not an appropriate term to use, after all, these are just novels. If you are a book critic, you are not supposed to ‘judge’ the characters in the novel. In those days, authors often incorporated the prevailing religious experiences into their story plots. For example, ‘The Crucible’, is based on historical fact about the colony of Salem Massachusetts. It was governed by way of theocracy, a system combines state and religion, where those in authority claimed that they were ordained to do God’s work. The community developed a very strict, repressive system in order to ensure social and religious conformity. Most forms of enjoyment and celebration were condemned, and expression of individuality is not allowed. In a sense, it was a kind of religious ‘legalism’ which Jesus warned of, as it emphasizes strict adherence to the letter of God’s teachings rather than the spirit. There was hardly any presence of God’s mercy and grace in such society, only many religious rituals, rules and regulations to follow.

 

Christians believed that man consists of three component parts: body, soul and spirit. Body is easier to understand as it is connects us to our five senses, hence, the material world we are in. The soul is our gates or doors to things like conscience, memory, reason, affections, imagination etc. It is the seat of human affinity. It is in from our souls that fleshly desires, passions, lusts and appetites come. The spirit is the innermost of our being, which is related to spiritual things such as worship, faith, hope, prayer. Hence, in order to understand spiritual things, the ‘natural man’ needs to surrender his own human will, letting God’s Spirit to regenerate his human spirit to understand, and appreciate the divine things.

 

It is clear that no amount of religious activities and duties a person do can to change his un-generated spirit until his own spirit come into contact with God’s Spirit. So to allow people of worldly minds and wisdom to deal with God’s things is disastrous. Chances are that they would use religion to control, manipulate people for self-gains as witnessed by the ugly history of the ruin of Christendom. People with only head knowledge about the bible will live a life of sterile religiosity.

Destiny

"LORD, make me to know my end and what is the extent of my days; Let me know how transient I am. Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my lifetime as nothing in Your sight; Surely every man at his best is a mere breath. Surely every man walks about as a phantom; Surely they make an uproar for nothing; He amasses riches and does not know who will gather them” (Psalms 39:4-8)

 

Through reading a Christian book recently, I came to know the songs of Rich Mullins, a popular and talented Christian musician. When I read that he died at the age of 41 in a fatal car accident in a most unexpected way, it just kind of remind me that we are not in control of our days on this earth. Rich and Mitch McVicker, were on their way to a benefit concert when the jeep they were in lost control and overturned. Both were ejected from the vehicle. When a passing semi-trailer truck swerved to avoid the overturned Jeep, Mullins, who was too injured to move out of the path of the oncoming truck, was hit and died instantly at the scene. McVicker was seriously injured but survived.

 

Every day we are bound to come across unfortunate stories of such nature. I read some time ago how Mr Lim Guang Chin, at the age of 34, was killed in a motorcycle accident, leaving behind four children age 3 to 13. He had just lost his wife who died of colon cancer 2 months ago. Then there is the 28-year old professional footballer who woke up one morning, felt a lump in his neck, and was later diagnosed as having Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

 

Such stories can stir up fear of death in us. Someone once said that anything that caused you to fear is your ‘God’. How true it is if we do not have correct perspective on death. We can end up being under the bondage of that fear, in this case, death. If we fear cancer, cancer becomes our ‘God’. It opens the way to dark and negative forces filling up our mind, and they begin to take us over. As I entered four-and-a half year after I finished my chemotherapy treatment, I am very thankful to God for extended my life. I know He does it for His purpose and will. It is a miracle that I am still alive, given the bad prognosis of my sickness by my doctor.

 

Storms of life always strengthen one’s character if one responses positively. My life now is on a higher plane- moving from the phase of been preoccupied with anything to do with cancer, to living out a more meaningful and fruitful life, always with a thankful heart to my God, for whatever number of days He wants to add on to my lifespan.

Xenophobia

“When an alien resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the alien.” (Leviticus 19:33)
”You shall have one law for the alien and for the citizen: for I am the Lord your God.” (Leviticus 24:22)

 

 My daughter related an incident on the train that she witnessed recently. A young lady was standing alone. Upon seeing a foreign worker got into the train and stood beside her, she intuitively moving far away. It was a Sunday and this guy was neatly dressed, and not exhibiting any unbecoming behaviour. I tell myself, are more and more Singaporeans behaving this way (Xenophobia)? I think we have to strike a balance in our views especially when one reads news like these:

 

“A worker who worked as a painter at a link-way was reported to have fallen on October 6. It was believed that he was put on a truck few days later, and dumped in a back alley at another location where he was found by a passer-by. It appeared that his clothes had been changed.”

“A foreign worker suspected of dying from rat-transmitted disease. The worker together with others, were housed in a makeshift zinc-roof structure.”

The sheer size of foreign workers has reached a level that we need a strong legal framework and more staff strength to protect their interest too. Much has been done to the domestic workers (about 200,000) but more need to be done for those especially in the construction sectors (about 250,000). I don’t see how we can become a more compassionate and just society if we do not treat aliens with human dignity.

Quagmire of welfare system

'Every prudent man dealeth with knowledge: but a fool layeth open his folly.' (Proverbs 13:16)
 '......The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.' (2 Thessalonians 3:10)

 

The trial of a British man, who was on welfare, killed six of his children, brought spotlight into the pitfalls of UK’s welfare system. It was reported that he and his two 'partners' claimed up to 54k Sterling Pound a year in benefits to support 11 children under his custody. It was said that the man had not held any full-time job since 1991 though he is physically fit.

 

One-third of British public spending goes to pensions, unemployment benefits, housing, and health. This is not surprising considering one can get help from so many fronts, with rent, council tax, health, education, jobseeker’s allowance and even legal costs. The welfare system has become a lifestyle choice instead of short-term relief for many .Technically it is possible for a household to claim even higher than the national average earnings.

 

The original intention of the welfare system (which was started after WWII) was to provide safety net for the poor and unemployed. Now people see such benefits as their entitlements or rights and it becomes politically difficult to amend them. We have been rightfully warned of the risk of a welfare state as it will develop the so-called entitlement mentality of being addicted to government welfare. For example, this country only spent 4.1% of GDP on healthcare as compared to 9.8% for UK in 2009. The policy of co-payment is a good one. The medishield scheme(medical insurance) enabled me to cover more than half of my critical illness treatment. If we offer free medical care, the tendency is for people to over consumed medical treatments. Invest in education, infrastructure and research are better ways for a country to stay competitive.

Genetic Counselling

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." (Psalm 134:14)

Some weeks ago I went for genetic counselling. Here are some of important pointers I brought home from the consultation session:

 

A person contracted cancer after 50 years old is not considered as belongs to the ‘high-risk’ group if the trend of the general population is the same. In Singapore context, currently most of the cancers occurred after the age of 50.

 

Genetic test is very expensive because it involves a sizeable number to be tested, so usually only done on the advice of the doctor. Our body system is very complex. The genes lie within the chromosomes and human beings have 23 pairs of them. Some chromosomes carry thousands of important genes while some carry only a few. There are about 20,000 genes located on one of the 23 chromosome pairs. So far about 12,800 genes have been mapped to specific locations on each of the chromosomes. .However the exact number of genes in the human genome is still unknown. That’s why genetic test is not foolproof as it is impossible to test every gene!

 

I also come to understand that present available ovarian cancer marker is not a sensitive indicator as it is often to give early signal. The reading can accelerate within a short frame of time. In other word, it is not sensitive enough to pre-empt ovarian cancer even one does it regularly. This makes ovarian cancer difficult to prevent and treat as most patients are diagnosed at an advanced stage.

Depression

The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?” (Proverbs 18:14)

 

The recent suicide of the son of a famous pastor brings spotlight to mental illness - depression. Just why some people are prone to depression and suicidal are hard to explain. They are generally kind, gentle and sensitive to others but they themselves cannot handle their own waves of despair. At some point in life everyone experiences depression. It is a more a matter of how long one stays in that state.

 

It seems that our own childhood experiences, biological as well as our genes contribute to our make-up. Psychology and environment also play their parts. People suffering from depression tend to draw their self-identity from negative symptoms around them e.g. helpless, hopeless, isolation, trapped in a vicious cycle of believing that they are worthless with no hope. On the other hand, some people despite the severity and long durations of setbacks they faced emerged unscathed despite these unpleasant life experiences.

Many find themselves able to overcome depression by changing their spiritual condition. Faith can help them to begin to revolve their lives around the new self-identity- that they are loved, cherished , and develop positive characters in their lives later on such as courage, fortitude, and determination.

 

Finding meaning and purpose in life is vital in overcome depression. Studies of suicide notes rarely mentioned problems like failing health, rejection or financial troubles. Rather, they speak more of being “tired of life” with suicide as “a way out”. Victor Frankl, a psychiatrist, discovered during the Nazi death camps that those who had no goal in life were unlikely to survive, as compared to those who had strong political or religious convictions.

New investment paradigm?

"You say, 'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled."(Charles Haddon Spurgeon)

 

The paradigm of investing in a property here has changed for the last 2 years or so. People apparently are no more deterred by the slew of curbing measures. Increasingly more and more people are viewing property investment as a kind of insurance policy. In fact, it is a better investment than the latter based on the assumption that the monthly mortgage installment is enough to pay off from the rental income. Also, home prices in future indeed will rise; hence provide a handsome sum for retirement. The enemy for property investors appear to be ‘wait and see’ attitude which causes one to miss the boat.

 

There is inherent risk in forecasting what the future property prices will be like down the road in as there are so many variables at play- government policies, interest rate, market psychology, land supply etc.With the release of Population White Paper recently, property investors become even more excited and started to postulate the unending demand for housing from the foreigners.

 

Will era of huge capital gains still here to stay? Already the new launches of private properties have been priced at astronomical level. It pays to be prudent and be able to sit through his investment. One thing I know is that Bull Run does not last forever but it is difficult to stop a running train. Newspapers and media have been amplifying those ‘successful’ investment stories. What about those investors who were caught on the wrong foot? Talking about this, I still remember how my ex-client lost all that he had during the Asia financial crisis when he and his brothers who originally inherited a number of properties, overleveraged and were caught when the property bubble burst.

Worth of life

"Since his days are determined, the number of his months is with You; And his limits You have set so that he cannot pass." (Jobs 14:5)

 

How much you are willing to pay for another year of life? With the advance of medical science and technology, cancer care has revolutionized in recent years. New drugs have now been used to treat cancer patients. The basic principle of these drugs is to identify the genetic mutations that cause a particular kind of cancer, and aim to turn off the mutated protein of the cancer cells.  As such, the doctors can tailor the cancer therapies to a particular person rather than giving standard therapy, hence, enhances effectiveness of treatment. The treatment targets on cancer cells rather than on healthy cells as well. Patients have to go for genetic tests before treatment.

Targeted therapies can increase cancer patients’ survival by months or years. The main issue is the cost  which can come up to thousands of dollars per month. Clearly this is out of reach for many people. It is a matter of time before medical insurance companies resort to capping such therapy either by setting a cap on the maximum amount the insured can claim per year, or by the number of months of treatment per year.  One thing for sure is that medical insurance premium will go up over time.

For patients and their immediate family members, the difficult decision lies in how much those additional years of survival worth, especially for those who cannot afford. To put it differently, how much are you willing to pay for another year of life? There is no right answer to this tough question but I guess common sense should prevail. Life is precious! Don’t waste it.

P1 registration & social mobility?

“When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap your field right up to its edge, neither shall you gather the gleanings after your harvest. And you shall not strip your vineyard bare, neither shall you gather the fallen grapes of your vineyard.” You shall leave them for the poor and for the sojourner: I am the Lord your God.” (Leviticus 19:9-10)

I got a call from a friend recently asking for advice on P1 registration for her only daughter. I could feel the stress and anxiety she had over this matter. It came as a surprise that this issue remains as contentious and socially divisive as two decades ago when my eldest girl went through the same exercise. This implies that most parents today still do not accept that every primary school is equally good despite the assurance from the ministry. One can gauge the popularity of a particular school by the number of places registered under phase 2B, where many parents are willing to put up at least 40 hours of volunteer work in the school of their choice in a year in order to qualify.

Are the children of disadvantaged households really been deprived of head start when they ended up in the less popular primary schools? Is the pace of social mobility among the lower-income group been affected even by our primary school registration system? Personally I think for primary school level, as long as the parents take keen interest in their children’s studies, the kids should do well in PSLE. Now it seems that the clamour for the Singapore’s brand of meritocracy to be reformed is getting louder. The very success of such system apparently breeds a group of people who are the beneficiaries, believing the system is absolutely just and fair; that they are entitled to their rewards for their hardworking. In fact they view those who are not so successful under such system as slothful, undeserved help or support. It is ironical that these are the people who are against social redistribution policies of the government.

I think it is time for us to put a ‘compassionate’ touch to this system. We have to acknowledge that there are people down there who despite all their best efforts, for one reason or the other, could not move up the social and economic ladder.

Is present age more evil?

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? “(Jeremiah 17:9)
“Everyone who practices wickedness hates the light and does not come to the light, so that his actions may not be exposed. “(John 3:20)

 

In a city where there are relatively fewer crimes than other world cities, we are appalled by the gruesome Kovan double murders taken place recently. Has evil increased compared to the past, or is the condition of man more evil now than before? In reality, the types and extent of evil deeds probably the same, just that with modern technology, we are more aware of them than before. Nowadays we can instantly obtain this information through the media, not constraint by geographical distance. In the past, it is very easy to hide one’s evil deeds. Dallas Willard once said that, "almost all evil deeds and intents are begun with the thought that they can be hidden by deceit."

 

The Bible explains that we all born with a sinful nature. When we are forced under a certain set of situations or circumstances, all of us are capable of manifesting those malevolent behaviours. There is no such thing as small or big evil in the eyes of God. Hacking someone’s computer, spreading malicious rumours, discrimination, avarice etc, are no better than someone who committed murder, rape or robbery. Evils are all built on lies, secrets, and darkness. They required the absence of light to survive.

'Letters to God'

‘And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:2-4)

There is no denial that as we entered adulthood, our worldview change. We think that we are pretty self-sufficient, especially when everything is going in our favor. We acquired more knowledge but unfortunately mistaken it as wisdom.  The more we know, the more we become skeptical and cynical.

Little children have no such hang-up like we adults. They are very impressionable. Here are some examples of their ‘letters to God’:

   ‘Dear God, I would like to live nine hundred years like the guy in the Bible.’

• ‘Dear God, We read that Thomas Edison made light, but in Sunday school they said you did. So I bet he stole your idea.’
• ‘Dear God, if you give me a genie lamp, I will give you everything I have except my money and my chess set.’
• ‘Dear God, Please send xxxxxx to different camp this year.’
• ‘Dear God, May be Cain & Abel would not kill so much if they have their own rooms. It works with my brother and me.’
• ‘Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in them now.’
• ‘Dear God, Instead of letting people died & having to make new ones, why don’t you just keep the ones you have now?’
• ‘Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed in the church. Is it OK?’
• ‘Dear God, I’m American. What are you?’
• ‘Dear God, Thanks for a baby brother, but what I am praying is a puppy.’
• ‘Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all and everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in our family. I can never do that.’
• Dear God, I would like to live nine hundred years like the guy in the Bible.'

LGBT challenge

Leviticus 18:22 "Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin." (Leviticus 18:22)

LGBT Challenge In this country, Section 377A of the Penal Code criminalizes gay sex. It was legally challenged recently by a gay couple on the ground that it is unconstitutional but the case was dismissed by the court. The gay partners’ statement after the verdict shocked me: “we believe that most people here do not believe that gay people should be jailed for something they can’t change.”

In reality, very few people actually become gay because of biological sexual orientation. More do so out of their choice of lifestyles. In today’s context, homosexuality is no more seen in the light of morality and social values. In fact, moral values are relative and nothing is absolute. We live in an era when more are taking the view that there is no such thing as ‘objective truth’ and believe that ‘my truth is as good as your truth’. Truth has thus been dethroned and replaced with the enthronement of ‘reason’. So don’t talk about sin since sin is what a person conceived in his mind. For that reason, Christians are often been singled out as being narrow-minded self-righteousness, intolerance, biased, hatred towards LGBT.

In UK, gay couples are called civil partnerships. They are allowed to be registered as married couples, hence, entitled to a wide range of legal, social rights and benefits. In fact, they get better deals than those heterosexuals who choose co-habitation over marriage. Will our country moves toward that direction eventually? I think so as we have already been told to manage these tensions, to be caring and sensitive, patience and compromise. Just look at the massive crowd of 21,000 turned out at the ‘pink dot’ rally last Saturday at Hong Lim Park.

In this country, we are benefitting from the moral standards of our forefathers, but thing will change if we embrace liberalism indiscriminately. The morals, values and ethnics of our culture are disintegrating at an alarming pace. How would our society defines ‘family’ and 'marriage'in future? It is scary to think of that.

Haze is here!

Haze is here again and we really have no idea how long it is going to last this time. Hopefully there is no El-Nino this year or else things will become worst. Despite all the high-level talks every year, no significant solutions taken place so far. We living in this part of the world, just have to bear with it every year.

I can still recall the terrible haze that we went through in 1997, the year my younger child was born. Thick haze was seen every day for several months. I had to wrap and cover my child up whenever we left the home. This coupled with the onset of the Asia financial crisis, making that year a very miserable and downcast one indeed.

Still, I think haze is bearable as compared to other natural disasters. We are so immensely blessed (or spoilt is a better word) that none of us ever experience starvation here. My mind brings me to a story told in the Bible (2 Kings 6:24-30) which vividly depicts what famine is like.

The king of Syria around BC850, launched a siege and surrounded Samaria so that people could not go in or out of the city. It lasted a long time that brought about a terrible famine, so bad that food prices went through the roof. A donkey’s head cost about 2 pounds (about 1 kilo) of silver and a bowl of seeds cost about 2 ounces (about 55 grams) of silver.

One day, the king of Israel was walking on the city’s wall. A woman cried out, “Help me, your majesty.” He answered, “If God does not help you, I cannot help you. I do not have any wheat or wine. What is your trouble?” The woman said, "Another woman and I were so hungry that we agreed to eat our sons. She said if we ate my son one day, we could eat hers the next day. So yesterday we cooked my son and ate him. But today when I went to her house to eat her son, she had hidden him." When the king heard the woman’s story he ripped apart his robe.

We need to learn to value plenty and be thankful what we have, and realize how deceitful money can bring. In time of despair situation like famine, even money is parted freely for anything that is edible!

Marrying foreigners

‘A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.’ (Proverbs 31:10)

There has been an increasing number of Singaporeans married foreigners in recent years, especially among the Singapore men. Recently two guys that I know of got hitched with foreign girls. Both knew the other parties only for a few months. One is a graduate marrying a Korean girl, and the other is a poly graduate marrying a Thai woman. That came as a big surprise to me because both are good -looking, well educated, so to me, finding Singaporean wives shouldn’t be a problem for them.

I wonder whether this phenomenon has to do with the more liberal immigration (since last April) rule for the foreign spouses.  In the past, the immigration rule here was very stringent for them and we read many tearful stories of mothers forced to leave their families and children behind. Even Singaporeans married graduates had to get permission from the relevant authority before they could go for R.O.M. I guess now as we grapple with a shrinking population, we have to be more ‘pragmatic’.

Now these foreign spouses not only can get long-term visit pass, but also allow to work under a special scheme (no foreign workers’ levy for their employers). They are also eligible for subsidized medical benefits.

While finding a life partner may have become easier for some people, but I hope people do take marriage seriously, considering the unavoidable relationship conflicts, huge responsibilities etc.

Genetic Test

‘Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.’ (James 4:14)

Genetic test Genetic test becomes a talking point recently when Angelina Jolie, 37, had a double mastectomy after learning from the genetic test that she carried a faulty BRCA1 gene which gives her an 87% chance of getting breast cancer and 50% chance for ovarian cancer. Her mother died of ovarian cancer at the age of 56. She will also go for oophorectomy in future.

This type of surgery involves removing as much of the ‘at-risk’ tissue as possible. But since it is not possible to do it completely, the doctor may prescribe natural or synthetic substances such as the drug, Tamoxifen, to further reduce the cancer risk. Genetic test for breast and ovarian cancer is the most sought after as compared to other types of cancer (such as pancreatic) as a woman can surgically remove her breasts and the whole reproductive system, and still functions normally notwithstanding having to bear some side-effects.

BRCA1 and BRCA2 (*) are human genes known as tumor suppressors. Mutation of these genes has been linked to hereditary breast and ovarian cancer. If a harmful BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation is found, several options are available to help a person manage her cancer risk. Some hints of the existence of hereditary factors:

1. Cancers occurring at younger ages than usual

2. More than one type of cancer in a single person

3. Cancers occurring in both of a pair of organs (e.g. both breasts)

4. Similar cancer in a set of siblings

The test normally begins with a family member who has breast or ovarian cancer. If that person is found to have a harmful BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation, then other family members can be tested to see if they also have the mutation. A positive test result provides information only about a person’s risk of developing cancer. It cannot tell whether that person will actually develop cancer or when. On the other hand, having a negative test result does not mean that a person will not develop cancer. It just means that the person’s risk of cancer is probably the same as that of people in the general population. It is possible for a person to have a mutation in a gene other than BRCA1 or BRCA2 that increases her cancer risk but is not detectable by the tests used.

Frankly speaking, my medical oncologist has never mentioned such test during consultations and I do not know much about it till recently. May be I shall ask her the next time when I see her. A positive test result may have an effect on one’s emotions, relationships, finances, and medical choices etc. It may even have bearing on one’s insurance policies, employment. Anyway, it is not cheap to do such test over here. I read from newspapers that it is somewhere between S$ 2500-3500.

Currently, hereditary cancers are still not common in this country. Older generations (our parents) are healthier and have long life-span but I am not so sure of my generation, worst, the younger generation, giving the deteriorating physical environment and the lifestyles we are in. May be more people will  go for such test in future.

(*) BRCA1: breast cancer susceptibility gene 1 /BRCA2 : breast cancer susceptibility gene 2

'Health & Wealth' gospel

‘For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear.’ (2 Timothy 4:3)

The trial of the leaders of a prominent church will commence soon, undoubtedly it will bring spotlight to the teachings and practices of the ‘Wealth and Health’ gospel. It is very sad indeed to see that many of the contemporary churches strive to be market- driven or seeker-driven in order to attract people. Church can degenerate into a place where one gets ‘feeling good’ effects from the charismatic preachers, stage performances etc. It looks that pastors are ‘worshipped’ than God.

Every bible verse can be quoted out of context to support erroneous teachings. The Wealth and Health gospel is just one of the many. Its doctrines mainly centers on three aspects: Giving, Positive Confession and Faith. Giving is positively correlated to material blessings one receives from God. That provides the motive for donations to the church. Positive confession implies that when one confesses ‘positive’ things, he will get positive things in life. Lastly, the definition of faith it promotes is you must have faith in your ‘own faith’. So if you pray for healing and not healed, it is because you lack in faith, blame yourself.

Where is the message of love, suffering, truth, holiness, humility etc? We know that in real life our Christian experiences said otherwise. Adversities, disappointments, struggles etc are part and parcel of life. May be devout Christians encountered more of these things. Those ‘mountain-top’ experiences are rare and far between, and are incapable of sustain one’s faith in the long run. Christianity is not a one-off conversion, but a process which involves the transformation of one’s intellectual, moral and relational dimensions. The challenge is not just believe mentally but how to translate the biblical truths into wisdom for everyday living.

Mother's Day

‘The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.’(Proverbs 30:17)

The very word ‘mother’ often evokes a flood of thoughts and memories (mostly sweet). There are countless of books written on the theme of mother’s love. I remember some years ago there was a tussle between a divorced couple in the court over the custody of their only son. The father tried to depict the mother as uncaring and neglected the welfare of the child. However, the judge was unconvinced and ruled that the father was over-exaggerated. He didn't have to watch how a mother buffalo protected her calf from the seven lions on her own in Youtube to come to that conclusion!

Recently my daughter asked me to dispose of her unwanted school reading materials. I browsed through them, one article written by the famous Chinese actress, Gongli, caught my attention. In that, she paid special tributes to her mother. I thought it is appropriate to share this article this Mother’s Day :

“我在演艺圈漂泊了几年之后，蓦然发现我最为钟情的地方是家，是家人的亲情、纯朴的家风和亲人团聚时的那种甜甜的味道。

在拍戏小憩的时候，在异乡漫步的时候，我的脑海出现最多的是家，有时是家中餐桌上的那盘风味咸菜，有时是妈妈身上的那件破旧的毛衣。我问自己，为什么会想起这些?

慢慢地我懂了，心会随家一起走。因为家滋润了我、培育了我。无论我走到哪里，家的风气、家的精神都会在我的行为中延续，产生新的活力。家已深深扎根在我的心里。

作为公众人物，被人误解、甚至被人贬损是常有的事，自己深感心力疲惫，孤独也是常有的。这时我一定会想起家。一想到家，我就会有力量。家一直作为一种力量支撑我、伴随我，我前行的步履才变得轻盈。

和黄和祥结婚前，我专程回老家接母亲赴香港参加婚礼，才得知母亲患了重病住在医院。当时，我的心情很复杂，深深地陷入了两难境地。作为她老人家惟一的女儿，我没有理由在她要做随时都有生命危险的手术之时不在她的身边，但在香港举行的婚礼请柬已经发出，如被媒体探知延期，会对我产生什么后果，我不用想也知道。

母亲以更改婚期对我不吉利为由，坚持要我先期回港；三个哥哥要我以公众信誉为重，如期举行婚礼。他们都是我至爱的亲人，他们的理解让我觉得我立足于社会不是孤单的，我不仅仅是为自己而工作。我油然升腾出一种力量。

母亲有一件绛紫色套头毛衣，是我几年前为她买的，被虫子咬过，已经很旧了。母亲得了脑血栓之后，右臂抬上抬下有困难，穿套头衫很费劲儿。我想给她买件开衫，淘汰这件旧的，母亲不允。她请姨母帮忙，把毛衣中间剪开，找颜色接近的毛线织了一条边，把套头改成了开衫。

我看着母亲这样做，真是很感动，他们那代人都是伴着苦和汗生活的，现在儿女有条件让他们享福了，他们为什么还这样?这就是一种观念、一种精神。这些东西潜移默化地渗透在我的生命里，影响着我，我做任何事，别无选择地带着家的印迹。

有一次，在饭店吃完饭打包回家，有位记者写了《巩俐吃不了“兜”着走》一文。其实，我妈每次都这样。妈妈有一句说了很多遍的名言：“谁也没有资格糟蹋粮食。”那次，我和妈妈一起在外边吃饭，要的鲫鱼汤上晚了，每人只是象征性地喝了一口。我觉得汤不好拿，就说算了。妈妈说：“不行。”她让小姐把剩汤倒出去，把鲫鱼和豆腐装包带回家。第二天，我们喝到了她重新做的白白的鲫鱼豆腐汤。

可能很多人都不相信，我经常到北京的“秀水街”地摊买衣服，一是因为我平时的衣着都很简单，那地摊上的衣服就能满足我的需要；二是因为我一直认为，在日常生活中，没有必要把自己包装得雍荣华贵而脱离最舒适、最人本化的生活，也就是说，身外的一切都是为人服务的。这就是家给予我的最基本的生活认识。只要不是演戏和应酬，我平时几乎不戴任何首饰。我不喜欢珠光宝气，因为母亲就是这样。她70多岁的人，没扎过耳朵眼儿。这是很少见的。她甚至像对小孩那样给我讲奢华的弊端。我给她买过的一些首饰，她从来不戴，似乎她的乐趣只在收藏。

剖析成功者的家庭，我们会看到在那些家庭土壤里长着勤奋、俭朴、上进、诚实的大树，每一棵大树都能给家人必需的成长绿荫。从这样的家庭走出来的人，不管辉煌与否，起码在做人上是会得到一致肯定的。

我觉得，家不仅仅是港湾，在你累的时候，让你停泊、休息，家最重要的功能是充气筒，无论是你累了，还是你受到伤害了，家都能给你充足气，让你重新鼓起生命的风帆。

我能有今天，非常感谢父母为我营造了一个积极向上的家，这个家给了我巨大的支撑力，而且会一直支持我走下去。”

Estrogen Revisit

"You have swept them (men)away like a flood, they fall asleep; In the morning they are like grass which sprouts anew. Toward evening it fades and withers away." (Psalm 90:5-6) 

We now know that breast and ovarian cancers are hormonally driven by estrogen. Estrogen helps to keep blood vessels elastic, increases good cholesterol and strengthens our bones by absorbing calcium from the blood. However, too much of it can speed up the growth and multiplication of bad cells. Our body's natural estrogen is 'strong' estrogen, and can be counterbalanced by 'weak' estrogens from plant foods. 'Good' and 'bad' estrogens are formed when the body prepares to remove it from the system. They are therefore waste products.

 

The breasts are loaded with estrogen receptors and are very sensitive to changes in hormones. When strong estrogens lock on to receptors, they give out very powerful signals for cell growth. The more powerful the signal, the greater is the potential for cancer. In fact, when weak estrogens fill receptors, they prevent strong estrogens from attaching, hence reducing the stimulus for cells to multiply and get out of control. High-fibre foods can help to bind estrogen in the bowel, preventing its absorption back into our bloodstream.

 

Certain chemicals and pesticides are quite similar to our body’s natural (‘strong’) estrogen. They therefore have the same effect of stimulating cell growth and division, increasing the cancer risk. That’s why we have to pay attention to them. There are ‘anti-estrogens’ drugs in the market like tamoxifen that block estrogen’s effect in breast tissue. They are commonly given to breast cancer patients after they have finished the treatment and have to take it for a number of years.

 

While there is no denial about the power of lifestyle, it is not a cancer-free guarantee. Someone once said, “Good lifestyle is like the ship and sails but there are still the winds and waves. The former we can control to increase the probability of a safe crossing; the latter, we cannot , even a well-captained ship may founder.”

'Babbling Brook' or 'Dead Sea'

'Sin is unavoidable when there is much talk, but whoever seals his lips is wise.' (Proverbs 10:19)

G Chapman uses interesting terms, ‘Babbling Brook’ and ‘Dead Sea’ to describe two kinds of personality. ‘Dead Sea’ type is one who receives experiences, thoughts and emotions but feels no compulsion to share them. On the other hand, ‘Babbling Brook’ describes a person who expresses freely without reflection whatever he/she saw, felt or heard. He/she pays no attention as to whether the other party is interested in what he/she said.

The interesting thing is that these two types of personality tend to marry each other because they find the other party attractive. The ‘Dead Sea’ doesn’t need to deal with awkward situation of having to initiate a conversation, so he/she is happy to let the ‘Babbling Brook’ takes over. The ‘Babbling Brook’ knows that the ‘Dead Sea’ makes the best listener, so he/she is happy to have him/her around.

That is not real communication in a sense. The ‘Dead Sea’ needs to learn to share more than what he/she usually does and the ‘Babbling Brook’ must learn to ask more questions, slow the flow of words, be a better listener.

Personality may influence us, but do not let it control us.

Prayers

A young unmarried woman has been constantly prayed in the weekly church prayer meeting for a husband. ‘Lord, give me a husband.’ She would pray and then sit down. Her pastor tried to help her towards praying for others as well by saying this to her: ‘It’s all right to pray for a husband, but you need to broaden your prayer life. Pray for other people as well as yourself.’ In the next prayer meeting, the woman got up and prayed:’ Lord, please give my mother a son-in-law.’

A prayer item appeared in the Sunday bulletin of a liberal church which read: ‘Lord, we have done the best under difficult circumstances. We have been badly influenced by our homes and environment, so deal lightly with our lapses. Grant us the power to live harmless lives full of self-respect. Amen.’

Wise or Clever

‘Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold. She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. ‘ (Proverbs 3:13-17)

S. Chesterman in his article ‘Why study’, thinks that when one chooses a course of study, it is better to be guided by passion than other reasons such as what the parents wanted him to be or on financial potential. It is true that good universities may be good at educating clever people but do not necessary make them wise.

The dictionary defines ‘wise’ as having or showing experience, knowledge, and makes good judgment. Hence the main difference between wise and clever lies in the words ‘good judgment’. Wisdom often gains from within oneself over time as a person takes responsible choices in life. I agreed that we have to have passion in everything we do as it is a very strong motivational force that keeps us going in the long run. If we look around us, it is a kind of sad to see quite a handful of people ended up in careers that they ‘hated’. Imagine how many more people would have added to this category if all the bright students got into their dream course of study (business administration) and dream career (banking) shortly before Lehman Brothers debacle!

One needs courage to carry out what he thinks it is wise as it may even look foolish in the eyes of many. I still remember my pre-university school mate who made the ‘unthinkable’ decision at that point of time, to switch from science stream to arts stream. He went on to become a very successful lawyer.

A story is told about a wise elderly woman who has a beautiful bird named Agape. One day, two young men decided to break into her house while she was away and steal her bird. When she returned, they would approach her and say, “Old woman, we have your bird. Is it dead or alive?” If the old woman replied “dead,” they would open their hands and let the bird fly away. If the old woman replied “alive,” they would crush the bird and drop it at the feet of the elderly woman. Just as the two young men planned, they approached the elderly woman and said, “Old woman, we have your bird. Is it dead or alive?” The wise, elderly woman paused a moment and looked at the ground. Then, she answered slowly,” I don’t know….The only thing I know is that it is in your hands. It is in your hands.”

We too hold in our hands the consequences of our own decisions. We have to take responsibility not just for the good choices, but also for the poor choices.

Female Relationships

'Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!'(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

I think one thing great about being a woman is that we have many girlfriends to turn to in time of need. For a woman, her relationships with her girlfriends help her to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. The quality “girlfriend time" helps her to generate serotonin, a kind of neurotransmitter which can combat depression and create a general feeling of well being. Talking about problems is useful as getting someone else’s view can sometimes help us to understand the issues from a new perspective.

Women build relationships through sharing of feelings and personal lives whereas men often do through activities. Women tend to invest more time and are more committed to develop friendships. That explains why they developed more lasting friendships than men. So hanging out with friends is not a waste of time and unproductive as commonly perceived. As for me, my girlfriends are the ones who walked with me throughout this difficult season of my life. God always uses people in our lives to help us steer through storms in life. For that, I am thankful to God for the girlfriends I have!

Cholesterol result

‘You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.’ (Psalm 71:20)

Before I got my cholesterol result, I am very confident that my LDL has gone down, but the question in my mind is by how much. After all, the last two months has seen me cut down fish intake to one-quarter, exercise 5 times a week (half-an hour each), and eat plenty of fruits and veggies. As a result, I lost 2 kilos during this period. Here are the results:-

Cholesterol 4.4 (6.7)    : below 5.2 mmol/L (desirable range)

Triglycerides 1.2 (1.0)  : below 1.7

HDL 1.4 (1.2)              : below 1.5

LDL 2.5 (5.1)              : below 3.3

I more than hit my targets! Before seeing the doctor, I spent 45 minutes with the dietician who gave me some very useful tips on how to maintain a healthy cholesterol level. I learnt that there is a limit as to how much one can use diets to control his cholesterol as that constitutes only 30% in contrast to our liver which produces 70% of the cholesterol in our body system. So genetic factor can be a primary cause of high cholesterol rather than what a person eats. Statin is so effective in managing cholesterol because it works through liver. I am convinced my condition has to do with genetic factor or my hysterectomy.

I am still on Statin (low dosage) and will go for review in four months’ time.

CT Scan & blood test results

'Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.' (Philippians 4:6-7)

'Health is not valued till sickness comes.'(Thomas Fuller)

My CT scan result shows that my left gastric node is stable while my cancer marker readings (CA125,CA19-9,CEA)are more or less the same as 6 months ago. Since the node remains about the same size as it was first discovered in May 2011 scan, I have to go for scan only in a year's time instead of half-yearly, bearing unforeseen circumstances.

God has not finished with me yet. He still has tasks for me to do. Thanks for His amazing grace and mercy.

C T Scan

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)

Yesterday afternoon I went for the scheduled CT scan and cancer marker blood tests (the last ones about six months ago). Even though I had went through such scan several times (to be exact, 6 rounds), I still felt uneasy when they injected dye into my body. I could experience the warmness in my body as the dye travelled into my bloodstream, and the sensation akin to poison. I was also fearful that I might be allergic to the dye. Before the scan begun, one has to drink 3 big cups of special drink, which was another unpleasant thing.

I will get my report next Wednesday when I see my oncologist.

Passionate Love vs Compassionate Love

'Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.' (Henry Van Dyke)

Today is Valentine"s Day. What a thing to talk about passionate and companionate love.!  Rightfully love does not need a specific date to express. We ought to express love on every occasion. It should be an everyday affair. Unfortunately love is such a time-consuming activity, with busyness and worries of life take us far away from it. More and more we need to be reminded about love. This is especially true for couples who have married to each other for some years.

Studies show that couples enjoy a big happiness boasts that lasts on the average for only 2 years. It is passionate kind of love. After that, the special joy starts to wear off when familiarity breeds contempt, or in some cases, indifference to one another. Of course, other forces come to play too such as change in expectations, careers and bringing up children. When couples become so familiar to each other as a sibling, we can cease to be attractive to one another. The danger is when one starts to crave for variety and novelty. So every marriage needs to rebuild in order to strive. In reality, there is no such thing as ‘marriage made in heaven’.

All is not lost. Studies show that couples can have another chance of marriage bliss- i.e. when their children moved out of the family home. The empty nest offers abundant opportunities for them to rediscover and surprise each other. That love becomes more companionate in nature. If they failed to make use of this opportunity, that’s the end of the road for their marriage. Regrettably, many couples at this stage choose to become indifference to one another instead. To me, this is the greatest threat to any marriage. I would rather have quarrels or disagreements than to endure indifference, which is really a mental torture.

Trials

"It's wonderful what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces." (Samuel Chadwick)

Early this week I suddenly received a message from my daughter’s tutor that she has to stop giving tuition with immediate effect as she is not feeling well and is in low spirit. We do not know exactly what happened, be it her health issues or family matters. Nevertheless, it must be quite serious to cause her to make such an abrupt decision.

Indeed, trial can come any moment in our lives and no one can run away from it. What matters most is not so much what happens to us, but how we deal with it. In fact, people make surprised and big discoveries in time of darkness in their lives.We gain the right perspective on many things when we are brought down to our knees. It is said that sometimes a dark tunnel is the shortest way round a hill.

I am particularly inspired by Mary Stevenson’s poem, “Footprints in the Sand”. Mary was born in a big family. She lost her mother at the age of six. Most of her childhood was spent during The Great Depression. When she was sixteen she entered into an abusive marriage that resulted in her having to run away and finding refuge with her infant son.Inspired by the many things that had affected her life, she wrote this beautiful poem. May those who are in distress gain strength and comfort from it in their time of need.

                          One night I dreamed I was walking
                          along the beach with the Lord.
                          Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
                          In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
                          Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, 
                          other times there were one set of footprints.
                         This bothered me because I noticed that
                         during the low periods of my life,
                         when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
                         I could see only one set of footprints.
                         So I said to the Lord,
                         "You promised me Lord, that if I followed you,
                         you would walk with me always.
                         But I have noticed that
                        during the most trying periods of my life,
                        there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
                        Why, when I needed you most,
                        you have not been there for me?"
                        The Lord replied,
                        "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints,
                        is when I carried you."

 (Mary Stevenson)

Insensitive netizens

“Bereavement is the sharpest challenge to our trust in God; if faith can overcome this, there is no mountain which it cannot remove.” (William Ralph Inge)

It breaks my heart to read how by one fateful evening, a couple lost all their lovely children through a horrific road accident. At the same time I am also equally heart-broken to read that there are netizens who were quick to post those gruesome photos of the dead bodies over the internet. Some were even taken at a close distance from the scene of the accident.

These people have become so utterly immune to the feelings of others. All they care is how many viewership they can get from their postings. How I hope they can conjure up the image of the kids’ mother on that evening at the scene of the accident through these lines: “The mother rushed to the scene, falling to her knees, wailing in front of her two sons’ dead bodies. Her loud screaming could be heard from two HDB blocks away.”

LDL Shock

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick; but when hopes are realized at last, there is life and joy." (Proverbs 13:12)

I went for the free health screening test organized by a community club nearby last month . I have not gone for any such test for the past four years after I have cancer as my whole attention is devoted to fighting cancer.

After I have cancer, I have been very careful on my diet. So when I collected my health screening report, I was shocked to find out my LDL Cholesterol (bad one) is at 5.1 mmol/L where the desirable reading is 3.4. My HDL cholesterol and triglycerides are OK. I was advised to seek medical follow-up immediately. I went to a polyclinic and was told by the doctor that l I can experience heart attack within 2 years with such high reading! I was put under Statin (which helps to block enzyme from liver that produces cholesterol) straight away.

The surge of my bad cholesterol may be due to the removal of my ovaries which caused the sudden plunge in estrogen. Without estrogen in helping to control the amount of fat, called lipids, the LDL can increase rapidly. Consuming mainly fish for past few years gave me the false sense of security, not realizing that fish also adds cholesterol to my body though lesser extent compares to red meat. So now I am cutting down on fish and eat at least a cup of boiled barley a day. Barley contains soluble fiber called beta-glucan ( also found in other grains such as oats) which may help to lower cholesterol level by reducing the absorption of cholesterol and fat into the bloodstream. I will also try to eat more fish that have Omega-3 oil such as salmon, ikan terubok, tengiri papan (according to HPB handbook).

Of course, I also understand that diet will take much longer time to produce result. The best method is still in engaging moderate-intensity aerobic activity such as brisk-walking which I try to achieve at least 150 minutes per week. Qigong apparently is not effective in this instance.

I will have to go for cholesterol test again in 2 months’ time; hopefully all these efforts produce results.

Franchising

‘The leech has two daughters: Give and Give. Three things are never satisfied; four never say,”Enough”.’ (Proverbs 30:15)

 My spouse has been thinking of venturing into some kind of small business when he retired. One day we received a flyer in our mail box and came to know that a franchise fair would be held in a convention centre. In the fair, we came to this printing franchise booth. We expressed interest in it since no investment in fixed assets and premise are required.  Moreover we were comfortable with the upfront fee, about 10k plus.

The ‘business model’ works like this. After paying the upfront fee, we are required to register the company with ARCA. After that we have to source for your own customers and quote own price whilst the franchisor will offer a partner price for the printing. The difference is the profit for us. The printing company supposed to offer some relevant training in products, sales and marketing.

Thank God that before we went for the 3-hour talk held at night at the franchisor’s office (quite sure there would be hard selling), we thought it would be better to search through the internet to see any review put up on this franchise. Indeed someone shared his bad experience of not getting trainings and lack of transparency. We learn some valuable points from this:

1. Do not spend money on any business idea that is not clear to you.

2. It is not easy to start a business - as you have to take care of many issues, such as marketing, finances, recruiting people, collecting debts etc.

3. It is better to help a friend to run an existing business, so that you are aware of the business issues, before you start a business on your own.

4. Read the terms of the agreement carefully before signing on the dotted line. Any verbal agreement is not enforceable.

5.You may have to incur follow-up investments, not just the upfront fee.

Come to think of it, the printing business is already highly saturated. Only large firms with capital and connections can profit in a big way. The rest survive on razor-thin margins.This printing firm makes a smart move to start its franchise scheme. Printing money this way is easier than printing leaflets and brochures. All it needs is to get 3 or 4 persons to sign up its franchise per month to hit at least half a million turnover a year.

Cognitive vs character hypothesis

“After a recent presentation, somebody asked me what I considered to be the “best investment?” I responded after some thinking that I considered the best investment to be the education of one’s children. Later that day I thought that the answer might not have been interpreted the way I meant it. What I meant in terms of education was not the University or School that mattered, but the values parents can teach their children. And by values I mean tradition, culture, manners, ethics, humility and also - politeness, integrity, punctuality, reliability and dependability - as well as compassion and generosity toward people who are less fortunate.” ( Marc Faber, a famous investor)

What makes a person successful? The “cognitive hypothesis” is based on the belief that success depends primarily on cognitive skill, the kind of intelligence that gets measured on I.Q. tests. The best way to develop these skills is to practice them as much as possible, beginning as early as possible. Paul Tough in his book, “How Children Succeed,” argues that the “character hypothesis” which is based on non-cognitive skills, like persistence, self-control, curiosity, conscientiousness and self-confidence, is more crucial than sheer brainpower to achieving success. I agreed with him wholeheartedly. We witnessed from the human history how smart people started well in their early lives but crumbled later on because of their character weaknesses.

The sad thing is that children from both rich and poor family backgrounds are facing stresses from different sources that hinder them from developing non-cognitive skills. For the rich children, the main cause of distress comes from excessive achievements pressures and isolation from their parents, both physically and emotionally. They are also largely insulated from adversity in life even when they reached young adulthoods. A moderate amount of adversity is a good thing for kids as they build character and resilience.

On the other hand, poor children are facing endless challenges in life- poor nutrition and medical care, dysfunctional home. Growing up in stressful environments made them generally harder to concentrate, harder to sit still, harder to rebound from disappointments and harder to follow directions. They are also easily overwhelmed by impulses and negative feelings. The only way to counter such stresses these children faced is by providing them with attentive, responsive parenting, which unfortunately is absent.

Since character is the key to children succeeding in school and in life, can it be taught? I believe so but it is going to take longer time and efforts from my own experience. To improve academic performance is easier than for character development. Take for example, my student was able to improve his maths score within 6 months from a pass to almost A* through intensive practices. However, I have a hard time in his character development which has to come from lessons in his real life situations and relationships which cannot be taught overnight. I am glad that government has intervened through the introduction of ‘Character & Citizenship’ education and Edusave Award for Character. This is the right direction to take. Though we are not sure whether we would succeed in such initiatives, at least we try.

Hopefully through all these interventions and efforts, we can mitigate stressed early relationships experienced by these children. As a tutor to a child coming from a dysfunctional home, I should have known better- educating a child without character development is incomplete.