Gay 'pressure'

“ ..God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.” (Romans 1:26-27)

US state dept has recently decided to make passport application forms “gender neutral” by removing references to mother and father in favour of language that describes one’s parentage ‘somewhat less tenderly’. The change is “in recognition of different types of families”.

When I read this, I just wondered what kind of changes they will make in the application form. Will it be parents of the applicant do not need to indicate their genders- whether they are male or female? Comes 1st February next month, we will know the answer (new application form will be out).

Will Singapore one day follow the footstep of US? Will we also legalised same-sex marriage and adoption, repel Section 377 Section of the Penal Code one day? If we accept that the only criterion for selecting an MP is based on whether he/she can perform and nothing to do with him /her private life, ‘that day’ will come sooner than we expect.

"Monster mother"

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” (Proverbs 13:24)

“A fool spurns his father’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.” (Proverbs 15:5)

Ms Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother, received furious denunciations and outcries in the States when it was published recently, where some even labelled her as a monster mother. It doesn’t come as a surprise as some of the methods she used are considered extreme even by Chinese standards.

In her book, Chua, a Yale law professor, gives an account of how she raised her children “the Chinese way”. Her basic philosophy: expect the best from your children and don’t settle for anything less. Her own parents underwent severe hardship under the Japanese occupation in Philippines and later migrated to US. She herself received very strict upbringing which she has no regret.

She contrasts the ‘weak, cuddling’ Western parenting style with the no-nonsense Chinese style:-

1. Western parents are too anxious about their children’s self-esteem while the Chinese parents “assume strength, not fragility”;
2. Chinese parents believe their kids owe them everything while the Western parents think the children do not ask to be born into this world;
3. Western parents give rooms to their children to pursue their own passions while Chinese parents believe they know what is best for their children.

For her own children, they are not allowed to sleepovers, watch TV, play video games etc. For the kids, hours of math and spelling drills, piano and violin practice every day is a norm. The end result is that extensive practice produces proficiency and excellence, and children are inculcated with self-discipline, confidence and decisiveness. She thinks that the children in the west are wasting too much time on internet and computer games. They are too insulated from distress and discomfort, making them very vulnerable to anxiety and depression.

Her critics think otherwise. Such nurturing environment will lead to children growing up only as skilled and compliant person but a poor team worker. How to manage people requires ability to read emotions and psychology of other, and to anticipate other’s reactions. Such skills are learned through the informal ways. Freedom in the choice of pursuing passions gives rise to graduates with creative and innovative minds which are good for a high-end economy. Also, the use of threats and name calling are harmful to children’s self-esteem and parent-child relationship. There are some who react to strict upbringings by becoming permissive parents themselves.

So is Chinese style parenting better than western style? Last year, China became the second largest economy after US. The average trade deficit of US is 6% of its GDP whilst China enjoyed 7% trade surplus on the average. It now has a staggering surplus of $252 billion trade surplus with US. Thanks to highly discipline and skilled Chinese workers.

My experience in learning Taiji shows that you cannot avoid rote practice if you aim to be good in it. Once you are good at it, it is like a breakthrough, you will start to enjoy it. I encountered great difficulty initially when I tried to learn Taiji 18 and 24 movements from YouTube, as I have to coordinate my hands and legs movements, eyes and breathing simultaneously, besides having to memorise the different movement sequences. Now I find them more fun than other forms of exercise.

Let me also share some of my personal experiences with bringing up our two children. One, we are rather strict in everything. The result at the moment: thrifty, discipline, good grades but stubborn, not sociable. The other, we adopted more ‘relaxed’ approach and we see the opposite outcomes so far. Ideally it is to strike a balance between the two approaches but it is easy say than done. Unless the parents set out rules clearly and both willing to apply them consistently throughout, the children may get the wrong messages and confused.

Under the Old Testament, there is a law dealing with a stubborn, rebellious and disobedient son who will not listen to his parents when they discipline him. The parents shall bring him to the elders of the town and they shall stone him to death. This sounds harsh but the message from God is clear (Deuteronomy 21:18-21).

It seems to me that Chinese style of parenting tends to produce more predictable results such as excellence, respect authority and self-discipline. These are what all parents hope to see at the end of the day. However, we must also taken into consideration of our children’s temperaments and responses before adopting appropriate methods of parenting which are beneficial to them in the long run.

*An excerpt of the book (must read):

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?KEYWORDS=amy+chua

Global city & Materialism

‘Would your wealth or even all your mighty efforts sustain you so you would not be in distress? (Job 36:19)

Last week I happened to be around Orchard on a weekday afternoon getting a book. I have not been there for the last 3 years at least. How the landscape has changed with posh shopping malls lining along both sides of the roads. Even the sleepy and dull Mandarin Hotel spent big to spruce up its facade to match with its surrounding environment.

I felt a bit out of place with only Giordano T-shirt and Khaki on, and carried a ten-dollar handbag. It looked like I was one of the rare ones out there ( too casually dressed!). People walked passed me (even the locals) were definitely wearing more trendy and expensive clothes nowadays, ‘catching up’ with this country’s image as a global city. For one thing, it is not only the tourists thronged these shopping malls; a sizeable number was also made up of our young ones. The lure of ultra-materialism is so evident that it is very easy for someone tempted to live beyond his means just to catch up with the Jones. So I read with abhor that a 12-year old girl had sexual relationships with multiple older guys in order to satisfy her crave for material things.

'The Zeal of thine house hath eaten me up"

“And his disciples remembered that it was written, The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up.” ( John 2:17)

The English bible has quite a number of versions. The original bible manuscripts were written in, Aramaic, Hebrew and Greek. The King James Version was completed in 1611. No doubt King James Version has its place in terms of its prose rhythm and flowing language, its archaic words make it a challenge for young readers especially to understand the bible as English language has undergone rapid linguistic changes for the past 400 years.

David McCullough, an esteemed American historian, tells this story in his book (Morning On Horseback:The Story of an Extraordinary Family, a Vanished Way of Life & the Unique Child Who Become Theodore Roosevelt) how King James Version had an unintended impact on a young child. When American President, Theodore Roosevelt was a young boy, his mother found that he was very afraid of entering into the Madison Square Church alone. She later discovered that he was afraid of something called the ‘zeal’ hiding in the dark corners of that church. He heard the pastor read it from the bible. Using a concordance, his mother found out the word is from John 2:17: “....The ZEAL of thine house hath eaten me up.”

The meaning of this verse is : that Jesus has the fervent love for God’s house which exhausted His spirit. This is the passage the disciples of Jesus remember after Jesus cleansed the temple by driving away men selling cattles, sheep, doves, and money changers from it. So by using the phrase ‘hath eaten me up” can have the unintended result!

5 million people!

Our population has reached 5 million last year. The place has becomes very crowded. We still see ‘commuters’ with huge trolley luggage bags on the trains every day. Whenever I passed by People’s Park Complex to get my Chinese herbs, there seems to be more mainland Chinese than locals around that place. Many operate and sell their hometowns' tit-bits and foodstuffs,feeling very much at home.

Our ‘non-resident’ population will continue to grow rapidly with new initiatives on the pipeline such as new sports hub and motorsports hub. Booming leisure and entertainment sectors will ensure that demand for workers (especially low-key foreign workers) remains high. Unlike Japan, our economic model is one that aims to achieve the highest possible growth at whatever cost. We are really in a hurry.

The 2010 Population Census throws out some interesting numbers. Out of the 5 million people, there are only 3.2m Singaporeans. The number of citizens increased at a snail pace with only 24k added on a yearly basis for the last 10 years. The biggest age group is those from age 45-54, and in terms of old age support ratio, the Department of Statistics actually defines old age as 65 years old and above (so we are expected to retire at 65, not 55!).

The ageing population will become a very serious issue in 5 to 10 years time when those in this age group grow older. So I can understand why our government has to adopt a very friendly immigration policy. However it does seem to me that our ‘impressive’ population number comes mainly from the ‘non-residents’ (1.3m of them) category, which is something we shouldn’t be so proud of. The pace of PRs becoming citizens seems too slow.

My Chinese concoction

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)

Last Wednesday was my appointment to see my Chinese physician again. I still have to see her every month. Having been taking her prescriptions every day since June 2009, I asked her when I can take a ‘break’ from this routine. I was told that because I am having stage 3 cancer and my condition is serious, I still have to take the concoction (boiled twice a day) for at least 5 years (will God give me that grace to live till then?)

I am now so used to this concoction that it doesn’t seem to taste that ‘bitter’ any more but away from home for long hours is going to pose a challenge as the whole duration of preparing takes at least 4-5 hours.

Frankly speaking, given a choice, I will rather drink this herbal concoction everyday than going for chemo treatments. I still have not fully recovered from the side-effects of the drugs till now. However, I know that at that point I had to do chemo first because it is a faster way of killing the cancer cells given my grave condition.

An interview with God

“ ..the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. (James 3: 17)

God:
What questions you have for me?

Question:
What surprises you most about humankind?

God:

• That they lost their health to make money and then lose their $ to restore their health.
• That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.
• They live as if they will never die, and die as though they never lived.
  

Question:
What are some of the life’s lessons you want your children to learn?

God:

• They need to learn that they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is to let themselves loved.
• It is no good to compare themselves to others.
• Learn to forgive by practising forgiveness.
• It only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they loved but it can take many years to heal them.
• To accept that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.

First day of 2011

“Be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26)

“He who is slow to anger is better than the might, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city (Proverbs 16:32)

My first day of year 2011 did not have an auspicious start. I was embroiled in a heated argument with one of my family members which lasted for 2 hours. It all began when I did not answer in the way the other party was expecting, later it developed into digging the past. I Knew I should have answered in a more sensitive manner but the outburst from the other side was frightening and disproportionate, and it came to an end only when the anger of the other person was fully spelt.

I got an apology the very next day but I couldn’t get over it till 2 days or so (been so emotionally drained and depressed). This is not the first time I felt like I being treated as a punching bag. Similar lengthy arguments/quarrels had taken place in the past. I guess in today’s society, people perceived it is their right to be angry, no matter how that may hurts others. On the other hand, gentleness is interpreted as cowardice, timidity, and lack of strength.

May be my low EQ and being too ‘straight’ in the way I expressed myself are the causes for the frictions with those who are sensitive in my family. When such conflict occurs, I know I am the ‘reason’ for it to happen but the magnitude of anger from the other person always taken me aback. At times I harbour ‘silent anger and bitterness’ which are equally bad in the eyes of the God. My faith has helped me a great deal in overcoming this attitude steadily. I learn to accept that God plans for everything, including difficulty people and circumstances that I have to cope with.