“Father, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
Last week I went for a talk on building bridges with teenagers organised by the Parents Support Group (PSG). There are some useful pointers from the speaker on effective parenting and communication. As I reflected back what is the condition of my 'bridge' with my children to-date, I realised my task-oriented style has worked against my relationships with them and I have made many profound mistakes.
Let me share with the following video clip:
We may find this video amusing and humorous, but as for me,I can identify myself with the ‘mum’ in this clip for doing the following:-
• A long list of ‘do’ for my children
• My conversation always begins with ‘have you....?’
• Insensitive to their emotions
• Don’t trust them
• Have hidden agenda when talking to them
• Discuss the issues at the wrong time
• Fail to encourage & praise
• Impatience to listen
• Preoccupied with other thoughts when they talked to me
• Fail to accept and value who they are
• Too protective and discourage mistakes
• Inconsistent rules/disciplines
• Fail to set aside time to have ‘dates’ with them
• Always assume things and think of the worst
• Not open to ideas & opinions
• Always talk about the past
• Short in motivating, empowering and encouraging them
.........and the list goes on and on. Sound familiar?
That was not only anvery amusing video clip but also a woman with a wonderful sense of humour. I knew where it was leading to and I want to assure YOU that there are NO perfect parents. Like any fallible human, you would make mistakes in your parenting, like the way we do so in many areas of our lives - if I could live my life all over again, I would certainly make 'perfect' certain areas, but we're not going to do that and it's a fact. Sometimes we think we make mistakes only because we listen to the opinions of other people whom we seem to esteem highly in their area of expertise. But I am sure they too have made mistakes, that's why they are in a better position to advise you, and that's why they are the 'gurus'. Like all imperfect parents, there's no point looking back, but we need to move on and be thankful that we now know better and if you can make right, like be more patient parent, you will try. If not, thank God that yours is not a dyfunctional family - which could be worse!
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