“He who is slow to anger is better than the might, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city (Proverbs 16:32)
My first day of year 2011 did not have an auspicious start. I was embroiled in a heated argument with one of my family members which lasted for 2 hours. It all began when I did not answer in the way the other party was expecting, later it developed into digging the past. I Knew I should have answered in a more sensitive manner but the outburst from the other side was frightening and disproportionate, and it came to an end only when the anger of the other person was fully spelt.
I got an apology the very next day but I couldn’t get over it till 2 days or so (been so emotionally drained and depressed). This is not the first time I felt like I being treated as a punching bag. Similar lengthy arguments/quarrels had taken place in the past. I guess in today’s society, people perceived it is their right to be angry, no matter how that may hurts others. On the other hand, gentleness is interpreted as cowardice, timidity, and lack of strength.
May be my low EQ and being too ‘straight’ in the way I expressed myself are the causes for the frictions with those who are sensitive in my family. When such conflict occurs, I know I am the ‘reason’ for it to happen but the magnitude of anger from the other person always taken me aback. At times I harbour ‘silent anger and bitterness’ which are equally bad in the eyes of the God. My faith has helped me a great deal in overcoming this attitude steadily. I learn to accept that God plans for everything, including difficulty people and circumstances that I have to cope with.
Ephesians 4:26 is one of my favourite verse. This is valuable advise about anger and over the years as a Christian, I find that the advice very practical. Being angry is a waste of time, a drain of our emotions and bad for our health. I say this simply from experience and I fully understand what you went through. The source of anger is simply becauase of expectations - when other people do not meet our expectations. In your instance, your family member expected you to answer in a certain way, but you did not, so he /she got angry. We can get angry over a wide spectrum of things in everyday life. I have learnt to overcome it firstly by revising my expectations. In the past, I used to be angry with people who are always late and make me wait for them. Now, I learnt to make use of the waiting time to 'smell the roses' to enjoy the sights and sounds around me so that the waiting time will just fly by. Secondly, I have learnt to avoid heated arguments by walking away from the person angry with me. This is to give time to yourself and the other to calm down and think about the matter sensibly. And if that person persists in the argument, thirdly, I've learnt to answer in a gentle and calm voice - this does not make me a punching bag. I realised that when I reply in an angry tone, it'll only prolong the anger of the other and the argument can get very heated and when this continues, we'll start raking the past as well. In all, I always believe that we have a right to be angry especially with sinful matters as Christians but we are advised NOT to sin, meaning that ultimately we should not take matters in our own hands but let God take charge. Perhaps God has a message for you and your family member when He allowed it to take place on New Year's Day.
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