In Memoriam: My dajie (1942-2014)

'Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.' (Psalm 144:4)

My dajie (means eldest sister in Chinese), whom I loved most among my siblings, passed away recently.

 

Dajie suffered all through her life. She was born during the World War II. Life was very tough, coupled with the arrival of many siblings, close to one another. Being the eldest in the family, she shouldered the most responsibility of helping up my mother;she also bore the blunt of my mother’s bad temper. By the age of seven while her peers were looking forward to their first day in school, my dajie already helped my mother to tap the rubber trees and farming.

 

Life after married was equally tough. She had to put up with a mother-in-law who was very steep in Chinese traditions. Besides her four children, she had to take care of the four siblings of her husband. She never given a birthday treat or a mother’s day celebration throughout her life.

 

Dajie has many talents and her memory is superb. Despite been deprived of any former education, she learnt everything on her own such as sewing, writing. I had sweet memories of my childhood days because of her. She would sew beautiful dresses for me, taught me Chinese when I was very young. There was also those Shaw Brothers’ Chinese movie treats when she received pocket monies from my mother.

 

The last six months of her life was terrible, having to endure the severe pain and the side effects of the strong painkillers. We wanted to put her in a nursing home as it had become increasingly difficult for her to manage on her own. She hesitated till the last two days of her life. Such is her perseverance, endurance and selflessness.

 

My bonding with this sister is so deep and strong that the only force that is powerful enough to cut short such bond is death. Time will heal my grief and the void of my heart, but I am glad that her suffering and sorrow are finally over. She is now in God’s warm, loving embrace. One day we shall meet again.

A tribute to my mother

My mother was born in Hainan Island. She could only vaguely remember how her ailing biological mother looked like as she was given away when she was very young, been ‘adopted’ as daughter by my grandfather as he had only a son. However, she lived more like a maid than a daughter of a rich family. She had to do all the household chores, took good care of her younger ‘brother’, my ‘uncle’, and was not well- treated by my ‘grandmother’. When my grandfather passed away, my mum did not receive a single cent from his inheritance though he was a wealthy entrepreneur.

Life after marriage continued to be tough. She gave birth to 10 children(9 girls & 1 boy), almost one after another. In early years, my father’s meagre income as a delivery driver (most of the time away from home) could hardly support the family. My mother had to work as a rubber tapper, reared poultry, grew vegetables to feed many mouths. On one occasion she almost died in hospital from sickness due to her weak body. To relieve her of heavy burdens, she reluctantly gave away 2 of my sisters when they were infants. One sister was adopted by a young widow while the other was given away to a childless couple. It is heartening for my mum that both are well loved and taken care of.

My eldest and second sisters suffered the most during their younger days. They were the ones who often got beaten up by my mum when things went wrong( I fully understand why my mum was so hot temper then).Besides having to take care of the younger siblings; they also had to help my mum tapped rubber trees when they were as young as 5 years old. They never had the opportunity to even step into any classroom. We can never pay back the sacrifices they made for the family.

My parents were subsequently been persuaded by my rich 'uncle' to work for him in his newly bought rubber plantation as a supervisor and rubber tapper respectively. There was no electricity or water supply in the plantation.We were the only family staying there. My parents were paid miserable wages just like the other workers.

My mum gave birth to me ( I am no.9) when she was 39, after that she didn't conceive again. Hence,she was shocked when she found herself pregnant again with my youngest sister 10 years later when she was 49. She was so worried how to care for my youngest sister then. However it turned out to be a blessing in her later years.

Having gone through so many years of hardships and pains, she was finally been rewarded with better life. After my dad passed away, she took a bold step to break away from her long-held idea that parents should not stay with daughter(s). She decided to stay with my youngest sister, her miracle child, for the last couple of years in Malaysia until she died (after a short period of illness) on 27th June 2010 at the age of 92. My youngest sister (who has nursing & nutrition qualifications) took good care of my mum, taught her to eat wisely and brought her for medical check-ups regularly. Her efforts easily added 7-8 years more to my mum's lifespan. I am forever grateful to this dear sister of mine and my brother-in-law (who proved to be a better half-son of my mum than her own son) for helping me to shoulder this responsibility. A big thank-you to both of them.