Empty nest syndrome

‘Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.’ (Proverbs 19:14)

‘Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.’ (Proverbs 20:6-7) 

With our children growing up and one of them is leaving us for awhile, we realized that very soon, our children will no longer need us as much as before, inadvertently this ‘empty nest’ syndrome will be experienced by us. The ‘true’ level of our marital relationship will reveal. It is then couples realized how deep or shallow are their relationships with each other.

When our children are with us, they have become our “mediator”. Our conversations and activities are mainly centered on their needs. We are so busy with taking care of them that sometimes just to have an hour or so interrupted time to talk to our spouse can be so hard to come by. Most couples like us have to admit that we are so exhausted by the end of the day that we failed to spend enough time working and improving on our relationships. One day, when without our children around, we wouldhave to look at each other directly, no longer buffered by them. There is this fear that the reality of not know each other deep enough begins to sink in us. The marital relationships can go downward spiral.

Sometimes unfulfilled expectations, old unresolved issues, and wounds started to resurface. Our behaviors can turn ugly or ungraceful towards our spouses. Sinful human nature in us begins to reassert. Deep cracks revealed, worst, couples can become so emotional detached towards one another that each chooses to go separate way. I heard a case where when the husband retired, the couples ended up having frequent quarrels, so the husband decided to live separately from his spouse in a neighbouring country.

The anti-dotes to all these appear to be- avoid bringing out old issues; learn to forgive and forget; respect and accept one another, and keep the communication channel open with one another. We need to make efforts and find ways to renew the marriage vows. There has been a worrying trend in our society where more are embracing the Western view on the dynamics of marriage. In this world where temptations abound, be alert of the devilish schemes out to destroy marriages.