Valentine's Day

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

 

“I am not sure exactly what heaven will be like, but I know that when we die and it comes time for God to judge us, he will not ask, 'How many good things have you done in your life?' rather he will ask, 'How much love did you put into what you did?” (Mother Teresa)

 

 

Valentine’s Day is here again, a time associated with romance and red roses. Love is in the air. We can attempt to do many good things but if we do them without love, ultimately there is no value in what we do.

 

The dictionary defines love as a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection to a person, people or thing. Unfortunately it only gives one-sided meaning to it as it says only about the one who loves, but nothing at all on the beloved. I like how the Apostle Paul gives love a deeper meaning through the above epistle he wrote to the Corinthian Christians. He describes what love is about- its characteristics, one that are action-based and other-centred. So it excludes those that we expressed only in thoughts and words, and self-serving type.

 

We can substitute the words “Love” and “it” in the above passage with our names and read it aloud. I think we will fail in every characteristic of love mentioned in it. That shows how fall we all fall short of God’s standard. It also reveals why we have difficult relationships with our fellow beings, how each of us contributes towards making this world an unhappy place to live in, more stress, more unforgiving and less graciousness.

Natural Affection

'Self-interest is the enemy of all true affection.' (Franklin D Roosevelt)

It is a fact of life that we are drawn or attracted to some people, and not the others. This is termed as ‘natural affection’. It is based on our feeling, something in that person. However, when our feeling changes towards that person, it can change our affection accordingly. So if the husband tells his wife that he still ‘loves’ her but has no more feeling over her, she will be utterly crushed. I don’t think any woman can accept that!

 

In this country, under the Law of divorce, the most cited reasons for divorce is that the couple’s marriage has irretrievably broken down due to adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion for at least 2 years; or they have lived apart for a continuous period for at least 3 years. A marriage relationship that is anchored around natural affection is very vulnerable to fail.

 

 A marriage mediator once shared this sad story. A couple who were married for nearly 20 years went for counselling. Their relationship turned cold in the last 6 years after a particular domestic incident. The husband’s feeling towards the wife changed, and was adamant on a divorce by citing the wife had ‘unreasonable behaviour’. She refused to divorce despite been offered generous maintenance and share of the matrimonial assets. However, she only had two options- either allowed the divorce to proceed without contesting by accepting the husband’s allegations of her unreasonable behaviour as ‘true’, or contest the divorce. A contested divorce is very costly in terms of time, money and also emotionally. She felt the whole thing was so unfair to her, but finally chose the second option in tears. She was forced to accept her husband’s terms even though she didn’t want a divorce.

Gratitude

‘Always give thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.’ (Ephesians 5:20)

As we said goodbye to 2013 and embrace this New Year, I think one thing we should not forget to do is to recount our blessings and be grateful to God, and the people who made our lives on this earth better. The world that we lived in is increasingly operated on a culture of ‘nothing to thank for’. The perspective is more of ‘what is my right/entitlement’. For example, natural resources are just things come into existence by chance. If we start to see the things we have as gifts, or as the demonstration of love by someone, then we will learn to appreciate and show gratitude. Such attitude strengthens human relationships, as when we expressed gratitude, we are actually attached values to what we received. We can even see our own lives on higher plane than everything is about cost-and-benefit.

 

In some countries, the attitude of gratitude is emphasized in their culture. For instance, when you are invited to a Danish home for dinner, you are expected to bring flowers, good quality chocolate or wine. One should contact the hostess beforehand whether she would like you to bring a dish. When you are there, offer to help the hostess with the preparation or cleaning up after a meal is served. Wait to be told where to sit. One should not begin to eat until the hostess says,’Vaersgo og spise’, which translates as ‘come on and eat’. At the end of the meal, everybody sat around the table would take turn to thank the hostess, ‘tak for mad, aka’, which means’ thank you for the food’, before leaving the table. The next time when you are in contact with that person by phone or when both met, the first thing to say is ‘thank you for the last time’. Let us join them to make the world at a better place to live in!

Perfect Gift

'Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift.'(2 Corinthians 9:15)

 

Today unfortunately Christmas has become the most commercialised festive celebration. Reading some of the inspiring Christmas stories has now become one of the ways for me to recapture the true meaning of Christmas. Here is one such story:

 

The writer wrote ‘during the summer of 1944, my father sold everything they owned, took all the money and disappeared from our lives.’ His mother suddenly found herself having to take care and provide for the five boys.

 

He is thankful to his mother for remained positive throughout this difficult time, put in her best efforts she could, doing all the man tasks such as ‘horse-drawn plough, haul hay for the cattle, and harvest crops.’ Then Christmas approaching and the writer noticed his mother didn’t smile as much as before. Later he came to know that it was because she was worried that she couldn’t afford to buy Christmas presents for the children.

 

One day he saw his mother returned from the forest with a stack of tree limbs. She would cut these pieces of wood into different shapes. On Christmas Eve when the family gathered around the Christmas tree, his mother gave out the presents. His brothers opened the packages and found ‘brightly coloured trucks, tractors and trains’, all ‘beautifully crafted’. As for the writer, his present was a hand-carved bow and a quiver of arrows.

 

The writer concluded that, ‘Looking back, my mother’s determination and perseverance changed the harsh reality of that time, transforming our poverty into a memorable Christmas filled with delight’.

 

This story really warmed my heart. Truly, Christmas is about giving oneself, making sacrifices, just like Christ.

Grace

“If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.” (Nelson Mandela)

“Gone is the distinction between Jew and Greek, slave and free man, male and female—you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:2)

 

The world has recently lost a great man whose moral and political leadership enabled his country to enjoy peaceful transition from apartheid to one that pursues forgiveness and reconciliations. Many were in fact fearful when he came to power as in his early years he had a rebellious streak, and was branded as terrorist. Nelson Mandela shown otherwise by exemplified such values himself, which in turn sowed these seeds amongst his people.

 

I read that during one of the ‘Truth and Reconciliation Commission’ hearings after Mandela became its president, a policeman gave an account how he and his colleagues shot a teenage boy and burned the body to destroy the evidence. Years later he returned to the same house and bound the boy’s father and burned him before his wife. The judge asked what the woman wanted from this policeman. She answered, “He took all my family away from me, and I still have a lot of love to give. Twice a month, I would like him to come and spend a day with me so I can be a mother to Him. And I would like him to know that he is forgiven by God, and that I forgive him too. I would like to embrace him so he can know my forgiveness is real.” The policeman was so overwhelmed that he fainted there and then.

 

Such is the amazing grace that transcends any human understanding. Grace is God's unmerited favour, kindness from God we don't deserve. We are merely used by Him to dispense His grace.

Body, Soul & Spirit

‘But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.’ (1 Corinthians 2:14)

‘Take away from me the noise of your songs; to the melody of your harps I will not listen. But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.’ (Amos 5:23-24)

 

Recently we had a small gathering amongst ex-high school mates. One of them suddenly asked a tough question- why many English great authors like Jane Austen and Charles Dickens ‘attacked’ Christianity in their books? A close friend came to our rescue, explained that religion was a popular theme as it played a very significant part in the people’s lives then.

 

I think ‘attack’ is not an appropriate term to use, after all, these are just novels. If you are a book critic, you are not supposed to ‘judge’ the characters in the novel. In those days, authors often incorporated the prevailing religious experiences into their story plots. For example, ‘The Crucible’, is based on historical fact about the colony of Salem Massachusetts. It was governed by way of theocracy, a system combines state and religion, where those in authority claimed that they were ordained to do God’s work. The community developed a very strict, repressive system in order to ensure social and religious conformity. Most forms of enjoyment and celebration were condemned, and expression of individuality is not allowed. In a sense, it was a kind of religious ‘legalism’ which Jesus warned of, as it emphasizes strict adherence to the letter of God’s teachings rather than the spirit. There was hardly any presence of God’s mercy and grace in such society, only many religious rituals, rules and regulations to follow.

 

Christians believed that man consists of three component parts: body, soul and spirit. Body is easier to understand as it is connects us to our five senses, hence, the material world we are in. The soul is our gates or doors to things like conscience, memory, reason, affections, imagination etc. It is the seat of human affinity. It is in from our souls that fleshly desires, passions, lusts and appetites come. The spirit is the innermost of our being, which is related to spiritual things such as worship, faith, hope, prayer. Hence, in order to understand spiritual things, the ‘natural man’ needs to surrender his own human will, letting God’s Spirit to regenerate his human spirit to understand, and appreciate the divine things.

 

It is clear that no amount of religious activities and duties a person do can to change his un-generated spirit until his own spirit come into contact with God’s Spirit. So to allow people of worldly minds and wisdom to deal with God’s things is disastrous. Chances are that they would use religion to control, manipulate people for self-gains as witnessed by the ugly history of the ruin of Christendom. People with only head knowledge about the bible will live a life of sterile religiosity.

Destiny

"LORD, make me to know my end and what is the extent of my days; Let me know how transient I am. Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my lifetime as nothing in Your sight; Surely every man at his best is a mere breath. Surely every man walks about as a phantom; Surely they make an uproar for nothing; He amasses riches and does not know who will gather them” (Psalms 39:4-8)

 

Through reading a Christian book recently, I came to know the songs of Rich Mullins, a popular and talented Christian musician. When I read that he died at the age of 41 in a fatal car accident in a most unexpected way, it just kind of remind me that we are not in control of our days on this earth. Rich and Mitch McVicker, were on their way to a benefit concert when the jeep they were in lost control and overturned. Both were ejected from the vehicle. When a passing semi-trailer truck swerved to avoid the overturned Jeep, Mullins, who was too injured to move out of the path of the oncoming truck, was hit and died instantly at the scene. McVicker was seriously injured but survived.

 

Every day we are bound to come across unfortunate stories of such nature. I read some time ago how Mr Lim Guang Chin, at the age of 34, was killed in a motorcycle accident, leaving behind four children age 3 to 13. He had just lost his wife who died of colon cancer 2 months ago. Then there is the 28-year old professional footballer who woke up one morning, felt a lump in his neck, and was later diagnosed as having Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

 

Such stories can stir up fear of death in us. Someone once said that anything that caused you to fear is your ‘God’. How true it is if we do not have correct perspective on death. We can end up being under the bondage of that fear, in this case, death. If we fear cancer, cancer becomes our ‘God’. It opens the way to dark and negative forces filling up our mind, and they begin to take us over. As I entered four-and-a half year after I finished my chemotherapy treatment, I am very thankful to God for extended my life. I know He does it for His purpose and will. It is a miracle that I am still alive, given the bad prognosis of my sickness by my doctor.

 

Storms of life always strengthen one’s character if one responses positively. My life now is on a higher plane- moving from the phase of been preoccupied with anything to do with cancer, to living out a more meaningful and fruitful life, always with a thankful heart to my God, for whatever number of days He wants to add on to my lifespan.

Xenophobia

“When an alien resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the alien.” (Leviticus 19:33)
”You shall have one law for the alien and for the citizen: for I am the Lord your God.” (Leviticus 24:22)

 

 My daughter related an incident on the train that she witnessed recently. A young lady was standing alone. Upon seeing a foreign worker got into the train and stood beside her, she intuitively moving far away. It was a Sunday and this guy was neatly dressed, and not exhibiting any unbecoming behaviour. I tell myself, are more and more Singaporeans behaving this way (Xenophobia)? I think we have to strike a balance in our views especially when one reads news like these:

 

“A worker who worked as a painter at a link-way was reported to have fallen on October 6. It was believed that he was put on a truck few days later, and dumped in a back alley at another location where he was found by a passer-by. It appeared that his clothes had been changed.”

“A foreign worker suspected of dying from rat-transmitted disease. The worker together with others, were housed in a makeshift zinc-roof structure.”

The sheer size of foreign workers has reached a level that we need a strong legal framework and more staff strength to protect their interest too. Much has been done to the domestic workers (about 200,000) but more need to be done for those especially in the construction sectors (about 250,000). I don’t see how we can become a more compassionate and just society if we do not treat aliens with human dignity.