Mother's Day

‘The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.’(Proverbs 30:17)

The very word ‘mother’ often evokes a flood of thoughts and memories (mostly sweet). There are countless of books written on the theme of mother’s love. I remember some years ago there was a tussle between a divorced couple in the court over the custody of their only son. The father tried to depict the mother as uncaring and neglected the welfare of the child. However, the judge was unconvinced and ruled that the father was over-exaggerated. He didn't have to watch how a mother buffalo protected her calf from the seven lions on her own in Youtube to come to that conclusion!

Recently my daughter asked me to dispose of her unwanted school reading materials. I browsed through them, one article written by the famous Chinese actress, Gongli, caught my attention. In that, she paid special tributes to her mother. I thought it is appropriate to share this article this Mother’s Day :

“我在演艺圈漂泊了几年之后，蓦然发现我最为钟情的地方是家，是家人的亲情、纯朴的家风和亲人团聚时的那种甜甜的味道。

在拍戏小憩的时候，在异乡漫步的时候，我的脑海出现最多的是家，有时是家中餐桌上的那盘风味咸菜，有时是妈妈身上的那件破旧的毛衣。我问自己，为什么会想起这些?

慢慢地我懂了，心会随家一起走。因为家滋润了我、培育了我。无论我走到哪里，家的风气、家的精神都会在我的行为中延续，产生新的活力。家已深深扎根在我的心里。

作为公众人物，被人误解、甚至被人贬损是常有的事，自己深感心力疲惫，孤独也是常有的。这时我一定会想起家。一想到家，我就会有力量。家一直作为一种力量支撑我、伴随我，我前行的步履才变得轻盈。

和黄和祥结婚前，我专程回老家接母亲赴香港参加婚礼，才得知母亲患了重病住在医院。当时，我的心情很复杂，深深地陷入了两难境地。作为她老人家惟一的女儿，我没有理由在她要做随时都有生命危险的手术之时不在她的身边，但在香港举行的婚礼请柬已经发出，如被媒体探知延期，会对我产生什么后果，我不用想也知道。

母亲以更改婚期对我不吉利为由，坚持要我先期回港；三个哥哥要我以公众信誉为重，如期举行婚礼。他们都是我至爱的亲人，他们的理解让我觉得我立足于社会不是孤单的，我不仅仅是为自己而工作。我油然升腾出一种力量。

母亲有一件绛紫色套头毛衣，是我几年前为她买的，被虫子咬过，已经很旧了。母亲得了脑血栓之后，右臂抬上抬下有困难，穿套头衫很费劲儿。我想给她买件开衫，淘汰这件旧的，母亲不允。她请姨母帮忙，把毛衣中间剪开，找颜色接近的毛线织了一条边，把套头改成了开衫。

我看着母亲这样做，真是很感动，他们那代人都是伴着苦和汗生活的，现在儿女有条件让他们享福了，他们为什么还这样?这就是一种观念、一种精神。这些东西潜移默化地渗透在我的生命里，影响着我，我做任何事，别无选择地带着家的印迹。

有一次，在饭店吃完饭打包回家，有位记者写了《巩俐吃不了“兜”着走》一文。其实，我妈每次都这样。妈妈有一句说了很多遍的名言：“谁也没有资格糟蹋粮食。”那次，我和妈妈一起在外边吃饭，要的鲫鱼汤上晚了，每人只是象征性地喝了一口。我觉得汤不好拿，就说算了。妈妈说：“不行。”她让小姐把剩汤倒出去，把鲫鱼和豆腐装包带回家。第二天，我们喝到了她重新做的白白的鲫鱼豆腐汤。

可能很多人都不相信，我经常到北京的“秀水街”地摊买衣服，一是因为我平时的衣着都很简单，那地摊上的衣服就能满足我的需要；二是因为我一直认为，在日常生活中，没有必要把自己包装得雍荣华贵而脱离最舒适、最人本化的生活，也就是说，身外的一切都是为人服务的。这就是家给予我的最基本的生活认识。只要不是演戏和应酬，我平时几乎不戴任何首饰。我不喜欢珠光宝气，因为母亲就是这样。她70多岁的人，没扎过耳朵眼儿。这是很少见的。她甚至像对小孩那样给我讲奢华的弊端。我给她买过的一些首饰，她从来不戴，似乎她的乐趣只在收藏。

剖析成功者的家庭，我们会看到在那些家庭土壤里长着勤奋、俭朴、上进、诚实的大树，每一棵大树都能给家人必需的成长绿荫。从这样的家庭走出来的人，不管辉煌与否，起码在做人上是会得到一致肯定的。

我觉得，家不仅仅是港湾，在你累的时候，让你停泊、休息，家最重要的功能是充气筒，无论是你累了，还是你受到伤害了，家都能给你充足气，让你重新鼓起生命的风帆。

我能有今天，非常感谢父母为我营造了一个积极向上的家，这个家给了我巨大的支撑力，而且会一直支持我走下去。”

Estrogen Revisit

"You have swept them (men)away like a flood, they fall asleep; In the morning they are like grass which sprouts anew. Toward evening it fades and withers away." (Psalm 90:5-6) 

We now know that breast and ovarian cancers are hormonally driven by estrogen. Estrogen helps to keep blood vessels elastic, increases good cholesterol and strengthens our bones by absorbing calcium from the blood. However, too much of it can speed up the growth and multiplication of bad cells. Our body's natural estrogen is 'strong' estrogen, and can be counterbalanced by 'weak' estrogens from plant foods. 'Good' and 'bad' estrogens are formed when the body prepares to remove it from the system. They are therefore waste products.

 

The breasts are loaded with estrogen receptors and are very sensitive to changes in hormones. When strong estrogens lock on to receptors, they give out very powerful signals for cell growth. The more powerful the signal, the greater is the potential for cancer. In fact, when weak estrogens fill receptors, they prevent strong estrogens from attaching, hence reducing the stimulus for cells to multiply and get out of control. High-fibre foods can help to bind estrogen in the bowel, preventing its absorption back into our bloodstream.

 

Certain chemicals and pesticides are quite similar to our body’s natural (‘strong’) estrogen. They therefore have the same effect of stimulating cell growth and division, increasing the cancer risk. That’s why we have to pay attention to them. There are ‘anti-estrogens’ drugs in the market like tamoxifen that block estrogen’s effect in breast tissue. They are commonly given to breast cancer patients after they have finished the treatment and have to take it for a number of years.

 

While there is no denial about the power of lifestyle, it is not a cancer-free guarantee. Someone once said, “Good lifestyle is like the ship and sails but there are still the winds and waves. The former we can control to increase the probability of a safe crossing; the latter, we cannot , even a well-captained ship may founder.”

'Babbling Brook' or 'Dead Sea'

'Sin is unavoidable when there is much talk, but whoever seals his lips is wise.' (Proverbs 10:19)

G Chapman uses interesting terms, ‘Babbling Brook’ and ‘Dead Sea’ to describe two kinds of personality. ‘Dead Sea’ type is one who receives experiences, thoughts and emotions but feels no compulsion to share them. On the other hand, ‘Babbling Brook’ describes a person who expresses freely without reflection whatever he/she saw, felt or heard. He/she pays no attention as to whether the other party is interested in what he/she said.

The interesting thing is that these two types of personality tend to marry each other because they find the other party attractive. The ‘Dead Sea’ doesn’t need to deal with awkward situation of having to initiate a conversation, so he/she is happy to let the ‘Babbling Brook’ takes over. The ‘Babbling Brook’ knows that the ‘Dead Sea’ makes the best listener, so he/she is happy to have him/her around.

That is not real communication in a sense. The ‘Dead Sea’ needs to learn to share more than what he/she usually does and the ‘Babbling Brook’ must learn to ask more questions, slow the flow of words, be a better listener.

Personality may influence us, but do not let it control us.

Prayers

A young unmarried woman has been constantly prayed in the weekly church prayer meeting for a husband. ‘Lord, give me a husband.’ She would pray and then sit down. Her pastor tried to help her towards praying for others as well by saying this to her: ‘It’s all right to pray for a husband, but you need to broaden your prayer life. Pray for other people as well as yourself.’ In the next prayer meeting, the woman got up and prayed:’ Lord, please give my mother a son-in-law.’

A prayer item appeared in the Sunday bulletin of a liberal church which read: ‘Lord, we have done the best under difficult circumstances. We have been badly influenced by our homes and environment, so deal lightly with our lapses. Grant us the power to live harmless lives full of self-respect. Amen.’

Wise or Clever

‘Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold. She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. ‘ (Proverbs 3:13-17)

S. Chesterman in his article ‘Why study’, thinks that when one chooses a course of study, it is better to be guided by passion than other reasons such as what the parents wanted him to be or on financial potential. It is true that good universities may be good at educating clever people but do not necessary make them wise.

The dictionary defines ‘wise’ as having or showing experience, knowledge, and makes good judgment. Hence the main difference between wise and clever lies in the words ‘good judgment’. Wisdom often gains from within oneself over time as a person takes responsible choices in life. I agreed that we have to have passion in everything we do as it is a very strong motivational force that keeps us going in the long run. If we look around us, it is a kind of sad to see quite a handful of people ended up in careers that they ‘hated’. Imagine how many more people would have added to this category if all the bright students got into their dream course of study (business administration) and dream career (banking) shortly before Lehman Brothers debacle!

One needs courage to carry out what he thinks it is wise as it may even look foolish in the eyes of many. I still remember my pre-university school mate who made the ‘unthinkable’ decision at that point of time, to switch from science stream to arts stream. He went on to become a very successful lawyer.

A story is told about a wise elderly woman who has a beautiful bird named Agape. One day, two young men decided to break into her house while she was away and steal her bird. When she returned, they would approach her and say, “Old woman, we have your bird. Is it dead or alive?” If the old woman replied “dead,” they would open their hands and let the bird fly away. If the old woman replied “alive,” they would crush the bird and drop it at the feet of the elderly woman. Just as the two young men planned, they approached the elderly woman and said, “Old woman, we have your bird. Is it dead or alive?” The wise, elderly woman paused a moment and looked at the ground. Then, she answered slowly,” I don’t know….The only thing I know is that it is in your hands. It is in your hands.”

We too hold in our hands the consequences of our own decisions. We have to take responsibility not just for the good choices, but also for the poor choices.

Female Relationships

'Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!'(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

I think one thing great about being a woman is that we have many girlfriends to turn to in time of need. For a woman, her relationships with her girlfriends help her to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. The quality “girlfriend time" helps her to generate serotonin, a kind of neurotransmitter which can combat depression and create a general feeling of well being. Talking about problems is useful as getting someone else’s view can sometimes help us to understand the issues from a new perspective.

Women build relationships through sharing of feelings and personal lives whereas men often do through activities. Women tend to invest more time and are more committed to develop friendships. That explains why they developed more lasting friendships than men. So hanging out with friends is not a waste of time and unproductive as commonly perceived. As for me, my girlfriends are the ones who walked with me throughout this difficult season of my life. God always uses people in our lives to help us steer through storms in life. For that, I am thankful to God for the girlfriends I have!

Cholesterol result

‘You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.’ (Psalm 71:20)

Before I got my cholesterol result, I am very confident that my LDL has gone down, but the question in my mind is by how much. After all, the last two months has seen me cut down fish intake to one-quarter, exercise 5 times a week (half-an hour each), and eat plenty of fruits and veggies. As a result, I lost 2 kilos during this period. Here are the results:-

Cholesterol 4.4 (6.7)    : below 5.2 mmol/L (desirable range)

Triglycerides 1.2 (1.0)  : below 1.7

HDL 1.4 (1.2)              : below 1.5

LDL 2.5 (5.1)              : below 3.3

I more than hit my targets! Before seeing the doctor, I spent 45 minutes with the dietician who gave me some very useful tips on how to maintain a healthy cholesterol level. I learnt that there is a limit as to how much one can use diets to control his cholesterol as that constitutes only 30% in contrast to our liver which produces 70% of the cholesterol in our body system. So genetic factor can be a primary cause of high cholesterol rather than what a person eats. Statin is so effective in managing cholesterol because it works through liver. I am convinced my condition has to do with genetic factor or my hysterectomy.

I am still on Statin (low dosage) and will go for review in four months’ time.

CT Scan & blood test results

'Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.' (Philippians 4:6-7)

'Health is not valued till sickness comes.'(Thomas Fuller)

My CT scan result shows that my left gastric node is stable while my cancer marker readings (CA125,CA19-9,CEA)are more or less the same as 6 months ago. Since the node remains about the same size as it was first discovered in May 2011 scan, I have to go for scan only in a year's time instead of half-yearly, bearing unforeseen circumstances.

God has not finished with me yet. He still has tasks for me to do. Thanks for His amazing grace and mercy.